


Life's Not-so-little Surprises

by silverraven



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-25
Updated: 2011-07-25
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverraven/pseuds/silverraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen’s life is pretty sweet. He has a successful career, an awesome apartment, great friends, and his choice of bed partners. He’s got life all planned out. But what happens when he finds out he has a five-year-old daughter and meets her adoptive father?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life's Not-so-little Surprises

**Prologue**

  
Jensen barely manages to stifle a yawn as he opens his office door, relieved that clinic is finally over for the day. With two of the other doctors out, one on maternity leave and the other having had back surgery only last week, Jensen’s patient load has nearly doubled. He sinks down into his comfy chair with a sigh, loosening his tie and tilting his head side to side to relieve some of the day’s tension.

It’s just after six and he’s been at the hospital since seven that morning and wants nothing more than to go home, but he still has a couple of dictations to do and knows he should really start writing the new protocol he’s been thinking about if he wants it done before the next NIH grant deadline.

It’s days like today that he curses his decision to pursue an academic position instead of going into private practice or working at a non-university hospital.

He’s logging back onto his computer when he spots the small pile of mail that one of the schedulers or MAs must have brought in among the chaos that is his desk. He quickly scans through it. The latest catalog from Boston Scientific, a couple of letters from pharma companies, a brochure for an upcoming conference that he’ll most likely go to but doesn’t actually want to, and – a letter with no return address. Strange.

Jensen stares at the envelope, besides his name and work address on the front (written by a hand he doesn’t recognize) there are no other marks. He’s intrigued and quickly opens it.

There’s only a single piece of paper. Jensen unfolds it and begins to read.

A minute later, he’s left staring, unseeing, at the cabinet on the far wall, the sheet of paper falling to the floor from his slack fingers… his life, the plans that he made, all as good as tossed out the window.

 

 **Part One**

  
Jensen’s sitting on an old park bench, the hard and worn wood uncomfortable, but he hardly notices. All his attention is focused on watching the playground that’s less than thirty feet away. The scene is almost picturesque.

The day itself is warm and cloudy, typical for a June afternoon in San Diego. There’s a slight breeze rustling against the trees and the smell of freshly cut grass fills the air.

Behind Jensen the noise of the city is loud, but the children ignore it. They laugh and giggle, run around and jump and slide with joyous smiles on their faces as if they don’t have a care in the world. All the swings are occupied, the children’s arms and legs working hard as they try to soar higher than one another. There are a few toddlers in the sand box, busy with trucks and pails and shovels that seem too big for such small hands.

The whole scene is so serene and charming that Pixar would be jealous.

But not Jensen.

He’s still in a state of shock, mind still trying to process news that’s already almost a month old. His breathing is uneven, his hands clenched into tight fists atop his knees, eyes unable to look away from the children as they try to balance on the seesaw or squeal and holler their way around the merry-go-round.

There’s one child in particular that Jensen focuses on. A little girl with long blonde hair wearing a bright pink shirt and faded blue jeans.

Jensen loses all sense of time, has no idea how long he sits there and just watches. He can’t place what he’s feeling at the moment, doesn’t think he’s ever felt this before, and blames any dampness in his eyes on pollen.

The girl’s face breaks out into a blinding smile when she finishes her turn on the slide and Jensen’s vision blurs again. That’s her…

That’s _his_ daughter.

Shit, when did he become such a sap? He never had any plans to marry or have children. He’s always been career oriented and likes being unattached. He can’t imagine settling down, raising a family. He likes his life just the way it is. He has a great career, awesome friends, and enough contacts and good acquaintances that he can’t remember them all, not to mention his choice of almost anyone he wants.

Jensen knows he’s attractive and has used his looks on occasion to ensure things go his way, but when it comes down to it, it’s his mind that’s the reason for his success. But Jensen has a feeling that all the fancy talk in the world isn’t going to get him anywhere with the giant standing on the edge of the playground, talking excitedly with the petite brunette next to him.

Jared Padalecki. Popular local author that’s just starting to get some national fame. Also? Jensen’s daughter’s _hot_ adoptive father.

Jensen rubs the back of his neck, wondering what to do about this mess.

It’s more than just Jared’s good looks that get to Jensen. It’s the way the big man talks with his hands flying all around and a welcoming grin on his handsome face. The way that the words in his books seem to inspire _something_ in Jensen. There’s a spark to Jared that pulls Jensen in as sure as a moth to a flame.

If Jared was any other person on the planet, Jensen would be contemplating ways to get him in his bed, but Jared is the one person Jensen can’t have. Jared is totally off limits.

Problem is Jensen’s never done well when he can’t get the things he wants. And, oh man, does he want Jared.

Suddenly, a loud shriek fills his ears and his eyes dart toward the sound. It’s the girl – _Ashley_ , Jensen thinks, _Ashley Jo Padalecki. His daughter, Jesus Christ_ – she’s running around the playground in a foot race with a boy that’s about an inch or so shorter than her. She wins easily and seems to keep on running, away from the playground, until suddenly Jared is there, picking her up and twirling her around effortlessly, Ashley giggling delightedly as if this had been her plan all along.

Something lodges itself against Jensen’s heart, and he can’t move. A jogger passes by, but Jensen doesn’t notice, hypnotized by the sight in front of him.

The only thing similar about the sight before him are the matching wide smiles, otherwise Ashley and Jared are completely different in looks. While Jared’s hair is dark, his jaw strong, eyes slanted, and skin heavily tanned, Ashley’s features are softer. Her eyes are wide and big, too far away for Jensen to make out the color but he knows they are green, her skin is pale, her hair the same shade that Jensen’s had once been.

Jensen’s almost positive she has freckles and if you took a picture of her and compared it to one of a five-year-old Jensen, there’d be no question that Jensen is her biological father.

The pair draws apart and Jared settles Ashley on the seesaw, the boy from earlier on the other side, ruffles her hair and goes to sit on one of the empty benches near the playground. Jensen thinks about going over there, introducing himself, getting it out in the open and over with, but stops himself, clenching his fists even tighter.

Damn it. This isn’t going the way he’d planned at all. He had simply wanted to see the kid, know what she looked like outside the pictures that Chris had shown him. Chris had said that Jared took her here every Tuesday and Friday afternoon like clock-work, and Jensen had been unable to resist.

Jensen had planned to only be here a couple minutes, get a peek at Ashley, that’s all, but looking down at his watch he realizes he’s been at the park for over half an hour. He can’t make himself leave, though, squirming on the bench to find a more comfortable position and staying there for a long while after Jared and Ashley leave.

What the hell is he supposed to do now?

~~~~

“So, where did you go yesterday?” Danneel asks the next day as she corners him in the break room.

“And that’s your business how?” Jensen practically growls, between inhales of the liquid gold in front on him.

“I see you’re as charming as ever in the morning, princess.”

Jensen only raises an eyebrow; Danni should know the routine by now. No talking to Jensen until he’s had three cups of coffee, one at home, one during the drive in, and one as soon as he gets to work.

“Still isn’t any of your business,” Jensen says as he dumps his empty cup in the sink and soaks it with water. He’ll wash it later.

“We started here on the same day, Jensen, and in the two years since, I’ve never seen you take a vacation or leave early that wasn’t like, for a dentist appointment.”

Jensen shrugs. So he likes his job, nothing wrong with that. “Which only means that I have plenty of time accumulated.”

Danneel ignores his comment like he hadn’t spoken and continues on, “You’ve been acting weird all month. Did you meet someone?”

“No.”

“Oh my god! You did!”

Goddamn his fair skin that can’t hide even the slightest flush, and goddamn Danneel too. She’s like a dog with a bone, can’t leave it well enough alone.

“Who is she? Or is it a he? Have you slept with them yet? That’s always your downfall, you know? Ruins any chance of having a meaningful relationship before it even starts.”

And, of course, by now every head in the break room has turned towards them. Great.

“Not looking for a meaningful relationship,” Jensen mutters as he grabs Danneel’s arm, leading her briskly into his office and shutting the door.

She takes a seat, waiting for Jensen to join her before saying, “Come on, spill. You know you want to.”

God help him, but he does. So far he’s only told Chris, and that’s only because his friend is a private investigator. He’d sworn Chris to secrecy first, not wanting this to get out to Steve or the rest of the guys just yet. Not until Jensen knows for sure what he’s going to do.

He can tell Danneel though. She may be a gossip, but not about important stuff, and besides, he wants to tell Danneel, doesn’t like keeping stuff from her. She’s one of his best friends and as he looks at her now, he wonders yet again what would have happened if they hadn’t slept together the first day they met (Jensen hadn’t been able to take his eyes off the hot transplant surgeon and Danneel had stared right back) or, if Danneel hadn’t caught him in a linen closet two days later with a radiology technician. Jensen hadn’t been sure if he was supposed to apologize or something, it’s not like Danneel and him were dating, but before he could open his mouth, Danneel said, “Huh, and I had you figured for being a bottom, princess.” Jensen had burst out laughing, the guy who was impaled by his dick squirmed at the sensation, and Danni asked if she could stay and watch.

“You ever think about what could have happened between…”

“Nope. Don’t have enough dick for you.”

“I’m bi,” he says as if he hasn’t said it to her a thousand times before.

And she replies, “With a preference for big dicks.”

Jensen’s stopped reacting to that a long time ago; no matter how much he tells his friend he actually sleeps with more women than men and that nothing beats a gorgeous pair of breasts, Danneel doesn’t listen.

“Stop trying to distract me and tell me where you were yesterday.”

Jensen has no idea where to even begin. “I, uh, have a date this Saturday night.” He holds up a hand to halt Danneel’s ‘I knew it’ that he’s sure is coming. She nods to him to go on. “I met him last week at Tom and Mike’s party.”

“But you hate Tom.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hell, the whole hospital knows, some of the disagreements they’ve had in tumor board or during rounds are legendary. Jensen’s just thankful the guy isn’t on the liver transplant selection committee. “Stupid fucker wants to do surgery on just about everyone who comes in with a liver problem. Always so full of himself.”

“And you’re not?”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side,” Jensen says and absolutely doesn’t pout.

“ _Doctor_ Welling is my colleague, Jensen, yours too. And I happen to like you both. I mean, yeah, Tom thinks any case can be cured by cutting into them with his magic hands but you think you can fix everyone by pumping drug after drug into their system.”

“Not everyone,” he mutters petulantly.

“Okay, so, you went to the party and…?” Danneel makes a hurry up gesture.

“I went to the party because I knew Jared Padalecki would be there.”

“Hmm, do I know him? Name sounds familiar – oh! That’s the name on the books you read sometimes at lunch, right? Dear lord, Jensen, tell me you aren’t some crazy fanboy stalking the poor guy?”

“Jeez, Danni, I just like his writing, is all.” And now he’s slipping into Texas talk, wonderful. “Look, maybe it’ll be faster and easier if you read this.” He opens his top desk drawer and pulls out the letter, handing it to Danneel.

He leans back in his chair, closing his eyes and picturing the words that he has memorized:

 _Jensen,_

 _I guess you never thought you would hear from me again, huh? I wonder if you even remember me. You always seemed so intent on your residency, so intent on becoming someone that I don’t think you ever really saw anyone else. Did you even notice when I left?_

 _But that’s all water under the bridge now. I’ve made a life for myself here, not the kind I planned on, but I’m proud of it. You see, a few weeks after moving I learned I was pregnant. The child is yours. I know you don’t believe me, I know you slept with others while we were together, but I never did._

 _A few months ago I gave birth to our baby, Ashley Jo Carter. I didn’t list you on the birth certificate; I had planned on never telling you. You told me you don’t want children, the responsibility of a family, and I won’t force it on you. Our baby deserves to be loved, deserves to be with someone that wants her, so I placed her up for adoption._

 _I can’t take care of her anymore. It’s my heart, the doctors have some long and complicated name for it but I never cared much for your medical jargon. They’ve given me six months to live, that’s all that matters._

 _She’s being adopted by her godfather, he’s my next door neighbor actually, and a good man. He wants a family so bad, Jensen, and already gets on so well with Ashley. If you could see them together, like two peas in a pod. I know he’ll take good care of her._

 _So then you’re probably wondering why I’m writing this to you? I believe every child has a right to know who their birth parents are and that it should be their decision about what to do with that knowledge. I’ve left instructions with my lawyer that Ashley be told of you after her eighteenth birthday, and that this letter be mailed to you at that time if she wants to get in contact with you._

 _Believe it or not, I am sorry. This isn’t want I wanted for either of us._

 _\-- Julie_

Jensen opens his eyes, watching as Danneel scans the letter.

“You… you’re…” Danneel says quietly, eyes big. “Do you believe it?”

Jensen nods. “I had Chris investigate. The dates work out and she– Ashley, looks like me. I, I have no doubt she’s mine.”

“And this Julie?”

“We went out a couple months when I was a resident at Hopkins. Nothing major or anything, we were just having fun.”

“It sounds like maybe it was more than ‘having fun’ for her.”

Jensen shrugs, not sure what to say, he hasn’t thought about Julie in years. It took him sometime after first reading the letter to bring up an image of her in his mind and even then it was blurry. He just recalls blonde hair in a pixie cut and average sized breasts. He can’t remember what color her eyes were.

“She’s the one that left, Danneel, the one that broke it off. Came here to get her MBA.” He huffs out a breath. “Didn’t happen though. Ended up as an admin assistant at some computer company and then died when Ashley was eleven months.”

“That’s so sad,” Danneel says.

“We deal with death every day.”

“I know, I know, but it never gets any easier.”

Jensen doesn’t comment.

Danneel refolds the letter, slides it across the desk back to Jensen.

“So, I take it Ashley isn’t eighteen yet?

“No, no, she’s five and– and she’s beautiful, Danni.” The last part slips out of Jensen’s mouth before he can stop it and he’s reaching for his wallet, where he safely tucked the picture Chris had given him, before he realizes. He hesitates only a moment before continuing, finding the photograph and handing it to Danneel. “It’s her class photo, she just finished kindergarten.” Jensen hears the pride in his own voice and wonders what’s gotten into him.

She takes the small picture and her facial features soften instantaneously. “She’s precious, Jensen. Your baby girl.”

His baby girl…

Jensen’s not sure why, but there’s a part of him that really likes the way that sounds.

“If she’s only five, then how…?”

“I guess her lawyer or someone at the firm read the letter and decided to make things right.”

“Make things right? Now, wait a minute, it was Julie’s decision, her choice.”

Jensen’s posture becomes rigid. “Don’t start with me. You know I’m pro-choice, but the second that baby was out of Julie it became my kid too. _She_ became my kid too. Julie thinks that every kid has a right to know who their parents are, well doesn’t every man have a right to know that he has a child?”

“Of course, Jensen,” Danneel says immediately. “I just wasn’t thinking very clearly. I mean, you have a daughter. Fucking hell, Jen, _you have a daughter_.”

The office is so silent after her outburst that you could hear the sound of a car door closing outside Jensen’s window. A moment later they both slump against their chairs and Danneel asks, “What are you going to do? Do you know who adopted her?”

“I have no idea, and yeah, Jared.”

Danneel’s eyes widen. “Jared– the Jared you have a date with?!”

“Yeah, it’s the reason I went to Tom and Mike’s party, turns out he’s friends with Mike and–”

“You thought it would be a good idea to ask him out?! You have got to be kidding me, Jen. You cannot sleep with your baby’s mama, I mean daddy, I mean– ugh, stop snickering at me, you manwhore, you know exactly what I mean.”

She glares at him, and Jensen only laughs harder. It’s been weeks since he’s done that, it feels good.

“I’m not going to have sex with him. I just want to get to know him. See if he really is as good as Julie wrote, that he’s taking good care of Ashley.”

“And if you don’t think he is, you’re what? Going to sue for custody? Or what if he is, then are you going to walk away? Julie said you didn’t want kids, and you never made any mention of them with me.”

“That’s because I don’t want children.”

“Then why get involved? Ashley’s already five.”

“So what, just because she isn’t a baby anymore means that I have no right to see her?” Jensen crosses his arms.

“That’s not what I meant. I–"

“I have a daughter now. It no longer matters if I wanted one or not. I need to make sure that she’s happy, that she has everything she needs, that–” Jensen can feel his voice catching but carries on, “that she’s loved, no matter who she is or who she likes.”

“Jen,” Danneel whispers and starts to reach for him, knowing exactly who and what Jensen is thinking about, but Jensen shakes his head.

“I’m fine.”

Danneel sighs, looking away at the side wall, filled with Jensen’s various diplomas and awards, before returning to his face. “This date is a mistake. You should just tell Jared.”

“I can’t. Not yet anyway.”

“Jensen.”

“Leave it, Danneel,” he says, standing up and opening the door. “I have a biopsy to get to, and I believe you have a kidney that’s on its way here.”

~~~~

Jensen’s thankful when the hostess leads him to a table in the corner, the little bit of extra privacy will be good. He takes a seat, nodding to the girl as she lays one menu down in front of him and the other across from him.

He’s a little early, still a few minutes before seven, but the last thing he wants is to be late tonight. Jensen had been extremely punctual as a child, it lasted all the way up through medical school, but then meetings and clinics going over and on-call pagers going off in the middle of the night had knocked that habit right out of him.

It’s only gotten worse the last few years. Nowadays Jensen doesn’t seem to get anywhere on time. Chris tells Jensen that makes him a real doctor. Jensen tells Chris to go suck it. Nothing’s really changed since they first met as freshman at UT Austin.

When the waitress comes by, Jensen just orders water even though he really wants a beer to help calm his nerves, but he knows alcohol would be a bad idea tonight.

He looks at his watch, four past seven and no Jared. He tells himself not to worry, it’s probably traffic. He takes a large gulp of water, setting the drink down before he remembers he has a straw. He opens it, twirls it around the cup, watching the pieces of ice dance and swirl, then he studies the menu; hey, they could have added something new since Jensen was last here a few weeks ago.

They didn’t. And there’s still only one entrée that’s (to Jensen’s knowledge) less than eight hundred calories.

He bites his lower lip at ten past seven, looking around, and any relief he may feel at seeing Jared hurriedly walking over is suppressed by his stomach doing an impressive somersault routine. Jensen can’t remember the last time that happened, maybe high school?

He stands up, proffering his hand unconsciously, the formality engrained in his head after so long in the medical field.

Jared doesn’t miss a step, grabbing Jensen’s hand and pulling Jensen to him for a quick hug and slap on the back in greeting. Jensen’s in shock for a short moment, unmoving, before he recalls how handsy and affectionate Jared is.

Jensen had watched Jared for a long time during the party last week before finally working up the nerve to approach the man that had adopted his daughter. He tried to be inconspicuous and it was actually pretty easy, Jared wasn’t hard to see, standing taller than everyone else, long arms reaching around person after person in his way of saying hello. Jensen got the impression that it had been a long time since Jared last saw Mike and Tom and a few others that Jensen didn’t know.

There were only a few people from Jensen’s department there, but he was able to make small talk while waiting for Jared to lose his entourage.

“Hey, man,” Jared says, pulling away, and Jensen instantly misses the warmth even though the restaurant is already a pleasant temperature. “Sorry I’m late.”

“No worries. I only got here a couple minutes ago.”

Jared looks great tonight. He’s wearing well-fitting black jeans that show off his mile long legs – Jensen feels a ping of disappointment when those legs are hidden underneath the table as they both sit – and a white button-down shirt, the top few buttons popped open and the sleeves rolled up to almost his elbows, showcasing his golden tanned skin and broad shoulders enough to have Jensen’s mouth watering at thoughts having nothing to do with food.

Jensen reckons he’s not being all that subtle now in his watching if the slight pinking of Jared’s neck is anything to go by. Jared doesn’t say anything, though, just keeps on leafing through the menu.

He should say something, he knows that, but nothing seems to come out of his mouth. Jensen calls himself twenty kinds of fool. He’s been on countless dates, picked up dozens of people, and given hundreds of talks and lectures and presentations. He’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake, talking to people is what he does for a living. But the seconds just keep ticking by and the silence gets more and more awkward. It hadn’t been this bad last week… had it?

Oh god, it had. Jensen may have been the first to say hi but then clamped up, and it had been Jared to jump start the conversation, asking how he knew Tom and Mike, what he did, basic getting to know a person questions and now? Now, Jensen has nothing. Pretty sure starting the evening with, “I’m the birth father of your daughter,” would end the night in record time.

Thankfully the waitress is suddenly there asking if they have decided what they would like. Jensen nods, ordering the grilled chicken with broccoli and rice pilaf as his sides. Jared studies him closely for a moment before ordering the porterhouse, medium rare, with a baked potato and the grilled zucchini.

Jensen’s not surprised and can’t help one side of his mouth turning up. Jared has ‘I’m a steak and potatoes man’ written all over him.

The waitress scampers away when they finish telling her what salads they want and then its Jared to the rescue, saving them from anymore silences.

“What kind of Texas boy orders chicken at a steak house?”

“The kind that likes his heart to keep on ticking,” Jensen shoots off before he can stop. Shit shit shit. He and Danneel had agreed that Jensen would be on his best behavior tonight, and she had made him promise no smart-ass remarks. So much for that.

But Jared’s grin only widens. “Guess it’s a good thing there’s a doctor in the house then. If I have a heart attack, he can save me.” Jared’s hazel eyes are sparkling so brightly that they’re almost blue.

Jesus, sparkling? Chris’ll have his balls if he ever finds out Jensen thought that.

“I’m a hepatologist, not much good with hearts.” That’s when it hits Jensen, “How did you know I was from Texas?” He hadn’t told Jared that and had worked long and hard to get rid of his accent and anything that may tie him to his father.

“I didn’t. It was more of a guess really. I thought I heard a trace of home in your voice and with those bow legs of yours…” Jared leers in a completely ridiculous and silly way, and Jensen laughs, knows the crinkles around his eyes are probably showing, but Jared doesn’t seem put off by the reminder of Jensen’s age, in fact, he seems the opposite.

“So, a liver doc, huh?” Jared asks with a warm smile. “Any particular reason why?”

Jensen tenses at the question, he’s a private person by nature, always has been, and this is something he doesn’t like to talk about. Least of all with someone who is pretty much a stranger to him. Yet, if Jensen wants any kind of good relationship between the two of them, to build trust, he knows that he has to be the one to take the first step.

He takes a deep breath and tries to take any emotion out of it, like he’s discussing any random patient’s case. “My mom had primary biliary cirrhosis. It’s a liver disease that’s probably caused by the immune system.” Jensen doesn’t know how much Jared knows about the liver or medical terminology but doesn’t stop to ask, he _can’t_ stop to ask, needs to get it all out in one go or it won’t come out at all, and decides to explain as if Jared is a layman. “Cirrhosis is when your liver doesn’t work right anymore and the tissue scars, leading to liver failure.”

Jared, for his part, doesn’t interrupt Jensen, only nods his head and waits patiently for Jensen to continue, as if he knows how hard this is for Jensen.

“By the time they diagnosed her, it was pretty far advanced.” He remembers it vividly, his mama had been tired for a long time until finally one day Jensen had come home from school to find his mom in bed, napping, only her skin was yellow. When she opened her eyes and Jensen saw yellow where white was supposed to be, he had screamed, convinced she had been possessed or an alien or something.

“There wasn’t a lot they could do for her by then, there’s no cure for it, but they tried to delay it, relieve some of the symptoms. It worked for almost two years, then she got HCC- err, liver cancer. They put her on the transplant list, but–” Jensen’s voice cracks, and he blinks away the moisture in his eyes, not realizing his hand is on the table until he suddenly feels Jared’s hand over his, Jared’s thumb gently stroking across Jensen’s outer palm.

“It’s okay,” Jared says softly, “you don’t have to continue.”

Jensen’s looking down at the table, trying to get himself under control. He’s surprised that there’s a part of him, a big part, that wants to tell Jared everything (about his mama, her life and her death, how it shaped Jensen’s life and career – hell his career _is_ his life, it means everything to him) and that scares him. He’s never told anyone about that, not everything, Danneel and Chris only know bits and pieces.

Before Jensen can reply, their waitress arrives with the salads. Jensen jerks back his hand and stares at the wall, hearing Jared say thank you and the girl moving away.

“I’m sorry, I’ve ruined–"

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Jared is quick to assure.

Jensen’s stomach growls, as if agreeing with Jared, and Jensen is reminded that he skipped lunch. He picks up the side of raspberry vinaigrette he’d ordered and drizzles a little more than half on his spring mix, snorting when Jared forks a big chuck of ranch drenched lettuce, shoveling it in his mouth, and just like that the somber mood is broken.

From then on, the evening seems to fly by, filled with childhood anecdotes (Jared), stories of insane professors (Jensen), and laughter (both). In no time at all, they are more than halfway done with their entrees. Well, Jensen is.

“Man, I can’t believe you just took down a sixteen ounce steak in like…” he looks at his watch, “half an hour.” He shakes his head.

“And don’t forget everything else on my plate too,” Jared adds, pleased, as if it’s some great accomplishment.

They make idle chit-chat while Jared’s plate is taken away and the rest of Jensen’s is boxed up. There’s a small disagreement over who should pay when the bill is placed on the table, but after Jensen insists that he’s the one that did the asking out, Jared nods reluctantly and says, “I’ll get it next time then.”

Next time? Jensen swallows, tells his silly heart there can’t be a next time. This has gone too far already. Jensen had planned to get to know Jared a little more before telling him, but he can’t anymore, can’t keep this from him.

He waits until they’re outside.

“I don’t want this night to end,” Jared admits shyly. “Do you maybe want to take a walk or go see a movie? I just need to call the sitter…” He reaches to grab his phone, but Jensen stops him.

“Jared, I– I had a great time tonight…“

“Why do I hear a ‘but’ in there?” he asks and then his face falls. “Oh god, you don’t want–”

“I do,” Jensen interrupts quickly, unable to stand looking at the sadness in Jared’s face, it’s like kicking a puppy. “I do. I like you a lot. That’s the problem.”

“Not sure how that’s a problem.”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Jensen looks away, watching the horizon and fisting his hands. Danneel was right, this was a mistake. “There’s something I have to tell you, but I wanted to get to know you a little first. Your daughter, Ashley, she, she’s my…” It takes every ounce of Jensen’s strength and willpower to force his eyes to Jared’s, his palms sweating. “I’m her biological father.”

“What? You… what?” The color drains from Jared’s face, his posture stiffening. “You’re not, you can’t be.”

Jensen has no idea someone so big can sound so small. He reaches into the back pocket of his pants, pulling out Julie’s letter. “I am, I swear. I– read the letter? Please?”

Jared takes the paper, looking at it for a long time before he walks to a silver Ford Explorer that’s seen better days, and that Jensen guesses is Jared’s car, and leans on the hood. He unfolds the note slowly, white as a ghost.

Jensen has no idea how long he stands there, knows Jared is rereading the letter again and again.

“I can take a paternity test if you don’t believe it,” Jensen offers.

Jared shakes his head softly. “That won’t be necessary.” He refolds the letter meticulously and looks at Jensen. “I thought you looked familiar when I first saw you...” Jared huffs in disbelief. “Assumed maybe I saw you around town before or something, but…”

“But?” Jensen knows he shouldn’t push, as much as Jared’s voice sounds calm, his eyes are storming, his face seconds away from crumbling, but Jensen can’t help himself from asking.

“Julie had a picture, I sometimes caught her staring at it, and when– when she died, I found it in her nightstand. It was of her and some guy in a white coat standing in front of a Johns Hopkins sign.”

“Me,” Jensen whispers, and Jared nods.

“She said… she said you didn’t want to be a father.”

“I don’t.”

Jared stands up, eyes darkening. “Then why the act? Why do you suddenly care?” He comes closer, looming over Jensen, and Jensen takes an involuntary step back.

“I didn’t know. I just got the letter a month ago, I had no clue Ashley existed.”

“And now that you do, you’re what? What do you want, Jensen? I’m not stupid. I know how the courts have ruled before, and I’m sure with all your doctor money you can get yourself a pretty fancy lawyer. Well I ain’t just going to hand her over. She’s mine. My daughter, and you–” Jared’s not able to hold back the tears anymore, they drop from his eyes quickly and in seconds his face is all wet and Jensen wants nothing more than to reassure him everything will be okay, but he can’t.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to that. I don’t want to get lawyers involved, Jared, don’t want this to go to court.” He shrugs. “But if that’s what you want.”

“You self-righteous asshole!” Jared explodes. “You think you’re– you lied! You could have told me before, not asked me out on a date as if you – what the fucking hell, Jensen?”

“I know, okay, I know.” Jensen can’t remember the last time he’s felt this tiny. “I just wanted to get to know you a little before, ugh, springing this on you?” Great, just great, that sounds bad even to his own ears.

Jared snorts. “Yeah, right. Look, just tell me already, do you want custody of Ashley or not?”

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully, and if anything it only pisses off Jared more.

He turns away from Jensen, unlocking his car. “Yeah, well, let me know when you do. Until then, I’m getting a lawyer.” He gets in and slams the door shut.

The tires screech as Jared drives off, and Jensen is left standing there, practically hearing Danneel’s ‘I told you’.

Such a huge fucking mistake.

+++++

Jared doesn’t remember the drive home, not really, he just drives.

He shoos Sandy out before she can ask too many questions, saying he’s tired, and she must see something on his face because she doesn’t argue. Just reaches up to hug him and he leans down, lets his best friend kiss his cheek and hears her say, “Man’s an idiot if he can’t see what a great guy you are,” before she heads out.

It’s late, after nine now, and Ashley’s bedtime is eight. He cracks open her bedroom door, needing to see his baby girl. He tiptoes as quietly as he can to her bed and gets down on his knees, brushing a stand of hair off her beautiful face and looks on as she sleeps peacefully.

This can’t be happening. Ashley is _his_. He was the one there the day she was born, said her first word, took her first step, he was there for every birthday and Christmas and everything in between. He’s the one that changed her diapers and held her tight all those nights she cried because she couldn’t understand why mama wasn’t there anymore.

He’s the one that tucks her in at night, feeds her and cleans her clothes, gets her ready for the day. He’s the one that plays with her, board games and Barbies and more tea parties than Jared can count. He's the one that reads to her, takes her to the park or almost anywhere else she wants to go, and has taken the brunt of her tantrums. He’s the one that takes care of her.

Goddammit, he’s the one that’s been here every single day of her life.

 _He_ is her father. Not some asshole of a doctor.

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispers and kisses her forehead. “I won’t let anyone take you. You’re mine.”

 

 **Part Two**

 

I was surprised when you called," Jensen admits, a couple of weeks later, as Jared slides into the booth across from him. “Aren’t you going to get a drink?” He nods toward the counter, after all it’s Jared that wanted to meet at a coffeehouse.

Jared shakes his head. “I called you because we needed to talk. I want to know what your plans are, what you want from us, me and Ashley.”

“I want a chance to get to know my daughter.”

“She’s not your daughter,” Jared says, tone hard and nostrils flaring.

“I told you I’d be willing to take a paternity test. I’ll even pay for it.”

“That’s not– goddammit.” Jared runs a hand through his hair. “Look, your sperm may have hit the bull's eye, but she is _my_ daughter. I’ve raised her, been there–"

“Just stop,” Jensen interrupts, having had enough of Jared’s attitude. “Stop painting yourself as this great guy who made this huge self-sacrifice by adopting a baby.”

“Excuse me?”

“Cut the act, Jared. Stop pretending that you’re the victim here and I’m the bad guy.”

“So, what? _You’re_ the victim?” he asks in disbelief.

“I’m the man that had no clue he had a daughter. You’ve known for five years, longer. Since the day Julie told you she was pregnant.”

“Not that you were the father.”

“Yes, me. You had a picture, you told me so yourself.”

“But not a name,” Jared is quick to point out.

“You knew I lived in Baltimore, worked at Johns Hopkins.”

“Yeah, and Hopkins is huge, Jensen. They must have hundreds of residents.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “So she told you I was a resident, huh?” He doesn’t wait for Jared to answer before saying, “Come on, you had a location, place of work and a damn picture. Any half-assed private eye could have found me, hell, a thorough Google search probably could have found me. You never looked.” Jensen has to look away for a second, anger and resentment nearly boiling through him.

“And why would I have?” Jared answers, and Jensen can see the rage smoldering in his eyes, thinks Jared can probably see the same in his. “Julie said you didn’t want children, didn’t want the hassle and responsibility.”

 _Gotcha_ , Jensen thinks with a smirk. “So if you’re so sure I didn’t want Ashley, why did you never tell me?”

“Why would I waste my time tracking down a man that didn’t want Ashley?” Jared counters, bitingly.

“Because it’s the right thing to do, because I have a right to know I have a daughter. Jesus, man, if you had a daughter out there wouldn’t you want to know?”

Jared doesn’t immediately answer and Jensen thinks maybe he’s finally getting through that gigantic forehead. “Let’s get to the real reason you didn’t bother finding me.”

“And what would that be?” Jared asks, voice dripping with fake politeness.

“Because you weren’t sure I wouldn’t want her. You had doubts, wondered if maybe I did, and that couldn’t happen. You couldn’t lose your only chance of having a kid.”

Jensen thinks if Jared’s posture gets any more rigid he may pop something. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Is this guy really that naïve? “Your sexuality isn’t exactly a secret. California may be more liberal than most states, but even it would have a hard time letting a single gay man adopt a baby.” Jensen lets that statement hang in the air a moment before adding, “Except, of course, if he was who the mother wanted.”

“Ashley was your best chance of ever having a kid and you took it, didn’t give a shit about me– you didn’t… don’t pretend–” Jensen’s voice is sticky, he’s having trouble getting the words out. Five years, five fucking years, and Jared could have found him, could have at least tried. “Don’t fucking tell me it’s because of what Julie said. You can lie to yourself, but don’t you lie to me. You knew, man, _you knew_.”

Jared doesn’t look angry anymore, his eyes are downcast, staring at the table as if it will tell him what to say. Jensen’s fingers skim the rim of his paper cup, he thinks maybe the coffee is still warm since he ordered it extra hot and brings the liquid to his mouth. It’s lukewarm, drinkable, but Jensen no longer wants it, finds it tastes like ash.

“What do you want?” Jared finally asks, hesitantly.

“Just what I told you, I want to get to know Ashley.”

Jared nods, bites his lip and plows ahead, “I’m taking Ashley to get ice cream tomorrow afternoon–"

“I’ll be working till about six tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Jared says and blinks, as if the idea of Jensen being at work had never crossed his mind. “Okay. Dinner tomorrow then?”

Jensen can’t help the slight scrunching of his face. “Tomorrow? Uh, yeah, sure…”

“What?”

“Nothin–”

“Tell me what it is.”

“I have a business dinner. But it’s not a problem,” Jensen is quick to add. “I can let them know something came up and–"

“No, no, it’s fine. How about Friday?”

“Friday’s good,” Jensen answers with a small smile. “It’s my research day, I have a couple of meetings in the morning but I’m free after noon.”

“Okay, Friday at one o’clock. The Noodles & Company off of Rosecrans. Their mac an’ cheese is Ashley’s favorite.” Jared stands then, shuffles from foot to foot and says, “See you then,” before leaving without a backwards glance.

~~~~ 

The shopping center parking lot is almost full, and Jensen’s forced to park further back than he would have liked, but he figures the extra walking will be good for him. He breathes out a sigh of relief as he checks the dashboard clock before turning off his car and sees its a few minutes before one. Not late, thank god. He can’t help doing one last look in the rearview mirror, making sure his hair is in place and that nothing is in his teeth or on his face.

He had to rush leaving work, conference call ran late and he barely had time to change out of his dress shirt and tie into a grey henley before high-tailing it to the employee parking lot.

Taking a deep breath, he steps out of his Chevy Impala, wondering if he was supposed to bring something for Ashley, a small toy or candy or whatever kids like these days. Shit, why hadn’t he asked someone with children? Too late now, though, he sees Jared and Ashley walking towards him from the other side of the sidewalk. Well, Jared is walking, Ashley’s… skipping. It’s kind of adorable, she’s adorable and–

“Hi,” Jared greets, not unkindly and maybe a bit nervously. “Ashley, this is Jensen. Say ‘hello’, baby.”

“Hello,” she replies shyly, half hiding behind Jared’s long legs, hand tucked tightly inside Jared’s and he prods her to continue. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Jensen.”

Jensen swallows around the huge lump that seems to have lodged itself in his throat and chokes out, “Just Jensen is fine.”

God, she’s beautiful. Something about her reminds Jensen of his mama and it’s like the ground is whisked out from under him. He can’t do this, he can’t, she’s– fucking hell, his daughter is standing right in front of him and all he wants to do is run. Just turn around and go home, get far, far away from her and Jared and the whole thing and–

They aren’t even paying him any attention anymore, Jared’s opening the door, letting Ashley walk in first and then looks back at Jensen, makes a ‘you coming’ gesture.

Jensen squares his shoulders and walks in after them. There’s only one person before them and soon Ashley and Jared are ordering, Ashley’s sweet voice asking for a mac and cheese and Jared the Pad Thai. Jensen’s never been here before and spent some time last night browsing the menu online, pleasantly surprised at how many of their bowls were under four hundred calories. He had finally settled on the curry, but once he’s at the register, the smell of pasta and spices all around him, he thinks _screw it_ , and takes a page out of Ashley’s book and orders the same, only adding a bottled water.

He bites his tongue when he notices Jared filling up Ashley’s small cup with coke – does he not know that’s nothing but corn syrup and sugar? – and bites harder when Jared fills his own, bigger cup with Mountain Dew. Even worse.

He follows the pair to a table, musing where Jared packs all the carbs he eats and just what he does to burn it off, which in turn has his pants feeling a little tighter, and he stops those thoughts dead, instead watching as they settle on one side of the table, unsure where to sit himself and wiping his damp palms on his pants before finally deciding on the chair across from Jared.

“Daddy says you’re a doctor,” Ashley says, shyness from earlier seemingly gone, and Jensen notices she doesn’t have freckles. He doesn’t know why, he’s always hated his (who the hell has freckles on their _ears_?), but a small wave of disappointment ripples through him. She has his eyes though, same shape and shade of green. His mama’s eyes.

Jensen nods. “Yeah.”

“Daddy had a tummy ache last ni–”

“Ashley,” Jared interrupts, frowning. “I feel fine now and Jensen isn’t that kind of doctor anyway.”

“No, I am.”

Jared turns to look at him, eyebrow rising. “You said you were a hepatologist.”

“Which is just a fancy way of saying a gastroenterologist who specializes in livers.”

“Oh,” Jared mutters and is spared saying anything more as the food arrives.

He grins when they place Jensen’s bowl in front of him, and Jensen shrugs, saying, “Heard it was good here.”

“It is!” Ashley pipes in and immediately digs in, Jared following right after her.

Okay, make that two things they have in common: brilliant smiles and hearty appetites.

Jensen is slower to begin eating, takes a small forkful and seconds later moans as the gooey cheese explodes across his taste buds and the pasta practically melts in his mouth. He’s forgotten just how _good_ white pasta tastes. Once he finished his residency (and what little money he’d made had gone to school loans, rent, and countless packages of ramen) it’s been nothing but whole wheat noodles.

“Good, huh?” Jared asks, one corner of his mouth turned up. Jensen is too busy having another, larger, bite to answer.

“What’s livers?” Ashley suddenly asks, reaching for her drink.

Jensen thinks about how to best answer her. “Do you know what an organ is?”

Ashley furrows her little brows for a moment and then shakes her head.

“But you know what a stomach is?”

“Uh-huh, it helps you eat.”

“Yes, exactly.” Jensen smiles. “The stomach is an organ. And our bodies are made up of several different ones, each one with a job to do. The liver is an organ that’s part of the same system as your stomach. It helps your body process the food you eat. It does a lot of other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

Jared chuckles and moves a strand of Ashley’s hair that’s fallen on her face behind her ear. “Shorty here is real inquisitive. She’d ask you a hundred questions if you let her.”

“It’s all right.”

“You say that now. Tell me again after the hundredth question.”

Ashley pouts at their exchange and Jared leans down to kiss her slightly chubby and rosy cheek. “You wanna say you don’t ask me a million questions a day?”

Ashley just huffs. “I’m not a shorty, you’re just too tall.”

Jared’s loud laugh fills Jensen’s ears, and he can’t be help but be charmed by the two of them.

“So you fix people with sick livers?” Ashley asks, looking at Jensen, earlier question forgotten as she seems to have moved on to something else.

“I try to,” Jensen replies once he’s finished swallowing. “I mainly work with transplant patients, pre and post.”

“What’s a transp’ant?”

Jensen peeks over at Jared, the man is busy inhaling his food, but Jensen sees the small smirk playing on his lips.

“It’s when we take the sick liver out of a person and replace it with a good liver,” he answers, hoping the girl won’t ask where the good liver comes from.

No such luck.

“Uh…” Jensen flounders, turning to Jared, and the big man finally intervenes.

“After someone dies there’s a short time where their organs still work, right?” He looks over to Jensen.

“Right.” Now that he knows Ashley is aware of what death is, Jensen answers, “As long as we take the organ out within a day of the person’s heart stopping, we can use them. Put them in people whose organs aren’t working right anymore.”

Ashley looks deep in thought. “So. You take organs from dead people and put them inside living people?”

“…yes,” Jensen says nervously, wondering what the small child makes of it, not wanting to like, traumatize her or something.

“Huh,” Ashley says and then grins wide. “Cool! They’re like zombies!”

Both Jared and Jensen laugh.

“There are no such things as zombies, baby,” Jared informs. “That’s just on TV.”

“Are you sure?” She looks at Jensen hopefully.

He shakes his head. “’Fraid not, kiddo.”

“Too bad.” Ashley slides her bowl away. “Full now, Daddy.” She had gotten the small size and there’s only a few bites remaining, which Jared makes short work of.

Ashley giggles. “Daddy always does that,” she explains to Jensen. “Auntie Sandy calls him a garbage deposel.”

“It’s disposal,” Jared corrects, moving back to his own food.

“Is what I said,” she says and a moment later, “I need to use the bathroom now.”

“Okay, let me just–"

“No.” Ashley shakes her head. “Can go by myself. Please, Daddy?”

Jared looks around the restaurant, spots the bathroom that’s directly in his field of vision, and hesitates for a few seconds before reluctantly agreeing, and Ashley trots off.

“You’ve been eyeing that door like a hawk,” Jensen comments after a minute.

“Sorry,” Jared says, looking sheepish, half of his attention now on Jensen but the other half still on the bathroom. “I only started letting Ashley use public restrooms alone this year. It’s nerve-wracking, ya know? You never know what might happen, who else could be in there. Although I guess it’s worse for mothers with boys.”

“Yeah…” Jensen gets it now, why Jared didn’t want to let Ashley go. It’s something he’s never thought of before, but parents must deal with it all the time. And Jared, a single dad with a girl. “What did you do before? Take her to the men’s room?” he asks, horrified.

Jared snorts. “Yep. Or, sometimes I made her wear diapers even after she was potty trained, which was a mistake. It got to the point where we would argue every time the two of us went out. She was still small enough that it was hard for her to get on toilets without help and I never liked walking into a men’s room with a little girl. Not that I could explain that to her. She’d insist she was a big-girl and refused to put on the diapers.”

“What happened?” Jensen asks, gaining a new respect for Jared.

“We were at the museum one day, Ashley said she needed to pee and I told her to use her diaper. She just glared at me, and when my back was turned she ran off. I nearly had a heart attack when I noticed she was gone.” Jared’s hand shakes as he puts down his fork, as if just remembering the incident is making him worry all over again. “Luckily, the bathroom was a few exhibits over and after a couple minutes she came out of the ladies room, proud smile on her face.”

“How old was she?”

“Three and a half.”

“God,” Jensen mutters. “What did you do?”

Before Jared can reply, Ashley is back, beaming.

“I did it, Daddy.”

“You sure did. Did you remember to wish your hands?”

Ashley rolls her eyes. “Yes, I’m not a little girl.”

“Of course not,” Jared agrees. “Can you have a seat for a bit while Jensen and I finish eating or do you want to go home?”

Ashley returns to her chair. “I’ll wait. I like Mr. Jensen. He makes almost zombies.”

~~~~

“Hey Jared, what’s up?” Jensen asks when he picks up his phone, seeing Jared’s name across the display. It’s been a couple days since lunch, Jensen spending the whole time wondering if he should call, wanting to see them again but not knowing if it would be welcome.

Looks like Jared took that decision out of his hands.

 _“Hi, Jensen. Ashley and I are getting ready to go to the beach, do you wanna come with?”_

It’s kind of pathetic how Jensen wants to do a fistpump. He’s about to say yes when a bark behind him reminds him he’s not alone. “Yeah, definitely. Only would it be possible to go to Dog Beach or Fiesta Island?”

 _”You have a dog?”_ Jensen has no idea why Jared sounds so surprised.

“I do. Ashley isn’t scared of them or something…? It’s just that he’s alone a lot during the week so I hate to leave him during the weekends.”

 _“No, no, it’s fine, we’ll go to Fiesta Island. I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s less crowded. We’ll be over to pick you up in an hour, okay? I’ll bring lunch. Just need your address.”_

~~~~

“Is that a dog or a furry handbag?” Jared teases as Jensen meets up with him and Ashley in the parking lot right outside Jensen’s apartment building.

“Hardy har har,” Jensen replies with an eye roll. He had decided to carry Icarus out, not sure how he would react to Ashley. He shouldn’t have worried.

“Is that your puppy?” Ashley asks, eyeing the small animal with big eyes filled with joy, little body almost buzzing with excitement.

“He’s not a puppy, but yeah, this is my boy, Icarus.”

“Can I hold him? _Please_?” she begs and Jensen has to hand it to her; she’s got the puppy-eyes down pat. Better than the dog even.

The little guy is squirming in Jensen’s arms, straining toward Ashley as if he knows what Ashley wants and agrees. What’s Jensen to do but nod and carefully hand the bundle over.

Ashley giggles and coos at Icarus and he licks her chin. It’s love at first sight.

“Can he ride in the back with me, Jensen? I promise to watch him,” Ashley says, looking so sincere and hopeful, and Jensen realizes then just how screwed he is. Telling her no to anything is going to be impossible.

Ashley shrieks in happiness when Jensen says she can.

Jensen’s eyes glaze over when Jared opens the truck so Jensen can toss his bag in and he sees how full it is. Towels and toys, a cooler and bags filled with who knows what. All for a few hours at the beach? Jensen wisely keeps his mouth shut though and instead slides into the passenger seat and soon they’re off.

“Hey, man, thanks again for letting me bring Ick along. He loves the beach.” Jensen turns his head back, glancing at the backseat.

Ashley is scratching Icarus’ head with one hand and the other is petting his belly, Icarus is laid out on his back on her lap, appearing for all intents and purposes like he’s in doggy heaven. Ashley is whispering softly to him, and Jensen can’t stop smiling.

“You really love the little guy, don’t you?” he hears Jared say, voice right by his ear, and Jensen turns his head to see that Jared is looking at him.

“I guess.” Jensen coughs, and Jared turns his head forward, the car moving again as the light changes to green.

“Have to say, didn’t picture you with something that small. He’s a cockapoo, right?”

Jensen nods before realizing that Jared isn’t looking at him. “He is, most people don’t know that.”

“I’m not most people.”

Yeah, Jensen’s beginning to realize that.

“My friend, Danneel, got him for me this past Christmas. I was put off by his size at first, but,” Jensen shrugs, “what can I say, the cute little fella grows on you.”

Jensen thinks Jared mumbles something like ‘he ain’t the only one’ but can’t be sure.

The drive is a fast one, it’s still early enough on a Sunday morning that the traffic is light, and soon they’re crossing into Mission Bay, Jared following the signs to Fiesta Island. There are sections of the road that come pretty close to the beach, they avoid those and instead pick an area that’s a decent distance away from moving vehicles, and between the two of them, quickly unload Jared’s SUV.

“It really is just as barren as people say it is,” Jared says as they’re laying out the towels.

The only thing here is a few fire pits, trails, and porta-potties. Jensen thinks he should have double checked with Jared that it’s okay, but after a moment Jared adds, “I like it,” and Jensen releases the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

As Jared helps Ashley out of her car seat, Jensen takes Icarus to the nearest patch of grass to relieve himself and comes back to witness Jared already taking off his shirt although it’s really not that hot yet.

Christ, the man is _cut_. Jensen doesn’t think he’s ever seen a six pack like that outside of a movie or a magazine. Jared’s like one of those statues of a Greek god, every inch of his chest perfect. Strong pecs, washboard abs, broad shoulders, impressive biceps, all toned and bronzed and down right flawless.

Jensen can’t look away, there’s so much of it. Perfect brown nipples that Jensen wants to suck on, a small smattering of hair down his happy trail that Jensen wants to kiss, the sharp cut of his hips that’s just visible over the waistline of his cargo shorts that Jensen wants to bite, then move further down to lick over what has to be a full cock, tasting Jared, feeling him rough and solid against the back of Jensen’s throat–

“I’m going to go play with Icarus,” Jensen hears Ashley say and his fantasy is shattered, he’s back to the here and now, thankful that the shirt he’s wearing is a big and long one.

“Stay where we can see you,” Jared says, voice slightly raised as the girl is already moving away.

“Duh!” she yells over her shoulder.

Jensen and Jared settle themselves on the towels, enjoying the ocean breeze and sunshine. “She’s really taken a shine to him,” Jensen says after a few minutes of watching the pair run around together, Ick’s tail wagging and his happy yaps in counterpoint to Ashley’s equally joyful squeals. “Have you thought about maybe getting a dog for her… or maybe a cat?”

“How do you know we don’t already have a pet?”

Oh shit. Jensen stiffens, now is really not the time to admit to having Jared investigated. Jensen doubts there’ll ever be a right time.

“Just taking a guess,” Jensen ventures, hoping Jared will buy it.

He does. “I’ve thought about it, but when I first moved here it was an apartment, not really a place for big dogs. And I’m pretty sure if I got something Icarus’ size I would squash him.”

Jensen chuckles and can’t stop himself from peeking at Jared’s feet – they’re big. Jensen gulps and quickly turns away.

“But you don’t live there anymore?” he asks, although he knows exactly where Jared lives. A two storey, three bedroom, two and a half bath in Clairemont.

“No, I got a house when Ashley was a little over two. I wasn’t planning on it, but the house four doors from Sandy went on the market. It was a fixer-upper, so the price was low, and Sandy’s husband is a carpenter so it all worked out in the end.”

“But still no dogs?”

“Ashley’s a little afraid of big dogs. I’m trying to help her get over it but it’s slow going. She told me she wants a Chihuahua for her birthday.” Jared cringes.

Jensen snorts. “Dude, you could squash it with your thumb,” he says, and Jared laughs, the sound of it rapidly joining Ashley’s as one of Jensen’s favorite things to hear.

“Yeah,” Jared agrees, one of his dimples showing, and brings one hand to his face as if to study it. “Probably fit in my palm.”

Jensen is taking a drink out of his water bottle when Jared’s words sink in, his mind conjuring up an image of what else could probably fit in Jared’s huge hand, and he chokes, Jared immediately moving to pound on his back.

“You okay, man?”

Jensen, red-faced from both the coughing and embarrassment, can only nod.

“So, you up for joining the two rugrats?” Jared asks after a minute, pointing to Ashley and Ick running around on the sand.

~~~~

Jensen collapses on his towel with an oomph. “Dude, where do you get the energy? Where does _she_ get the energy?”

He’s just spent the last ninety minutes or so trying his best to keep up with everyone. But between Icarus wanting to explore the whole island as if he hasn’t been here a dozen times before and Ashley’s seeming need to build sandcastles and bury her father and then Jensen in the sand, Jensen is down for the count.

His job keeps him somewhat active, going from exam room to exam room and across campus to whatever buildings he needs to go to, he tries to walk Ick every day, and there’s a gym in his apartment building that he uses regularly. Jensen does his best to stay in shape, and he figures he’s not doing too bad.

But Ashley? A five-year-old girl? Can run circles around him.

He glares when Jared approaches him, the muscle-bound bastard doesn’t look even a little bit winded.

“You’re just old, ancient even,” Jared says with a grin. “Isn’t that right, Ashley?”

“I don’t know,” she answers, busy burying her calves in the sand and wiggling her toes. “How old are you, Jensen?”

“Thirty-three.”

Ashley looks up at that, staring at Jensen. “Wow, that is old!”

Jensen frowns and Jared cackles in amusement. “Aww, did we hurt your tender feelings, old man?”

“I’ll show you ‘old man’,” Jensen mutters and doesn’t know what possesses him but suddenly he’s moving, tackling Jared to the ground.

They roughhouse right there on the beach, twisting and shoving, rolling around in the sand, and while Jensen knows Jared could have him pinned in ten seconds flat if he wanted to, Jared doesn’t, so the wrestling continues, Ick barking up a storm in the background.

Eventually, Jared gets Jensen flat on his back and doesn’t release him, his hands holding down Jensen’s wrists and his massive bulk spread out all over Jensen, both of them breathing heavily.

“Say uncle,” Jared utters, gleefully.

“You wish, Sasquatch,” Jensen says and starts to squirm and wiggle under Jared, trying to snake out of the other man’s hold.

Jared only tightens his grip, pressing more of his weight down. “Not letting you go until you say uncle.”

Jensen shakes his head, and redoubles his efforts, he has no idea why he doesn’t just surrender. Jared has a good three inches and at least twenty pounds of what has to be solid muscle on him, there’s no way Jensen can win this, but he keeps his mouth shut, doesn’t let himself think about the part of him that _likes_ the feeling of Jared holding him down.

“Jensen,” Jared breathes into his ear a split second before Jensen’s knee brushes against Jared’s groin and Jensen stills instantaneously, the noises around them disappearing as everything seems to just stop.

Jensen becomes all too aware that Jared is shirtless, of their bare legs touching, of just what his knee has encountered, the sound of their breathing, harsh and rough, against each other. Their faces are only inches apart. He can see the blue and gold and a dozen other flecks of color in Jared’s eyes.

His mouth is dry and he licks his lips, can’t stop himself or the little whimper that comes out when Jared groans at his action, there is nothing that Jensen wants more at this moment than for Jared to kiss him, messy and hot and never-ending, thinks he can see the same desire reflected back to him from Jared.

Jared brings his head down, Jensen tilts his up, inching closer. Jensen shuts his eyes, he can feel Jared’s breath against his lips, every cell in his body buzzing in anticipation and need and–

“Woof!” Icarus barks right by Jensen’s ear, and he and Jared spring apart as if they were on fire. They both dart their eyes toward Ashley, and Jensen is relived to see that she’s engrossed in wiping off the sand from her no longer buried shins.

Once she deems them clean enough, she looks toward Jared. “I’m hungry, Daddy. Can we eat lunch now?”

“Sure, baby. I’ll go get the cooler.”

Jensen watches as Jared walks away, now that he knows Ashley wasn’t paying them any mind he can’t help wishing that they weren’t so rudely interrupted. He shoots Icarus a scornful look, but the dog just blinks at him, starts to wag his tail when he realizes he has Jensen’s attention.

Jensen sighs and scratches Ick behind his ears. He really has no defense against puppy-dog eyes.

They all crowd around the cooler once Jared sets it down, but it’s Jared that opens it up, giving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to Ashley, who starts munching on it right away.

“What about Icarus?” Jared asks as the dog begins to sniff around the cooler.

“He’s fine. I fed him this morning so he should be good until dinner. Just let me refill his water bowl,” Jensen says and does just that, also taking out a small bone for Ick to chow on from his bag. “Good boy,” he praises when Icarus settles down beside him, mouth and teeth working to get to the meat inside.

“I hope ham and cheese is alright,” Jared says, handing a thick sandwich on a six-inch bun to Jensen.

“It’s great. Thanks for taking care of lunch.”

“No problem,” he replies in between a huge bite of his own sandwich, equally as large as Jensen’s. “They’re about the only thing I can make. Besides cereal and eggs.”

Jensen is pleased when Jared pulls out grapes to eat with their sandwiches, much better for all of them than potato chips.

“We had Fruit Loops this mornin’,” Ashley chimes in. “They’re our favorite.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow.

“What? They’re good,” Jared defends, but the tips of his ears are pinking.

Lunch is a quick affair, the three of them chatting good naturedly. Afterwards, the post lunch lull seems to work its magic, and Ashley yawns, lays down between both men and from one moment to the next seems to fall asleep.

Jensen can’t resist gently brushing the hair from her forehead. Ashley stirs, eyes half-opening and turning her head toward Jensen, but then closing them again with a soft sigh.

Her breathing evens out and Jensen comments, “Kid goes out like a light.”

“Yeah.” Jared stands, looking away. “We should probably be heading back.”

Jensen doesn’t want to go. He can’t remember the last time he’s had so much fun, but he agrees grudgingly, there’s no reason to stay here. He asks if he can carry Ashley to the car, happy when Jared says yes, and starts to clean up.

It’s a short walk back to the car, it’s parked only forty feet away, but Jensen relishes the opportunity. He picks her up carefully and Jared, carrying a few bags and the cooler, leads the way.

Jensen looks down at the sleeping bundle in his arms, his child, and can’t stop the surge of warmth and feeling that rips through him. He’s never felt this before, not exactly sure what _this_ even is, like something precious and comforting has settled right next to his heart.

Jensen can’t look away, eyes glued to Ashley, sleeping so peacefully in his arms. His daughter is beautiful. Her hair gleaming gold in the sunlight, thick tawny eyelashes resting against her apple cheeks, lips opened just a little as she breaths in and out. Jensen thinks he could stand here forever, just watching his little girl sleep.

Ashley is amazing and–

“Jensen?” he hears Jared call out, and the spell is broken.

Jensen makes his way over, slowly. Jared already has the backdoor open and Jensen carefully places Ashley in the car seat, Icarus jumping into the car as soon as Jensen is finished.

Things are subdued as they load up the rest of their things, until Jensen can’t stand it anymore, needing to know that this isn’t going to be it.

“Are you guys doing anything for the Fourth of July tomorrow?”

“I’ll probably take Ash to watch the fireworks downtown, we went last year and she really loved it,” Jared answers as he folds the last of the towels.

Jensen nods and plunges ahead, “How about I cook you guys dinner? Then we can watch a movie or something until the fireworks start? We can see them from my balcony.”

Jared appears unsure. “Dinner?”

“Yeah, nothing special, but, well, you don’t sound like cooking is really your thing, and I enjoy it.” He swallows thickly and gears himself up. “I would really love to cook dinner for you and Ashley.”

There’s a long moment before Jared says, “How can I refuse an offer like that?”

Jensen smiles.

+++++

Jared really should have known that Jensen would be a great cook. His burgers are the best Jared’s had next to his mom’s and the baked sweet potato fries were unexpectedly good too, both salty and sweet, and Jared had been unable to resist a second serving.

He hadn’t wanted to accept the invitation to dinner, seeing how well Ashley and Jensen had taken to each other at the beach and the look on Jensen’s face when he had carried Ashley sent alarm bells ringing through Jared and something like dread brewing in the pit of his stomach.

Tonight has only made it worse.

Ashley had oohed and awed over Jensen’s big ass widescreen TV, his sound system, his Wii, and just about everything in Jensen’s apartment. She’d tucked into dinner as if Jared never feeds her, and sometime during the fireworks she inched her way from sitting between them on the wicker couch to half on Jensen’s lap.

Jared has no idea what to do. It’s pretty darn clear that both Ashley and Jensen have taken a shine to each other and that Jensen, for someone who says he never wanted children, is actually _trying_.

Jared doesn’t like it, not a single bit, but if he hopes to keep Ashley then he better keep his mouth shut and pray that Katie is right.

 

 **Part Three**

 

It isn’t even five seconds after GI tumor board ends for the week that Danneel is dragging Jensen out of the conference room, and he had wanted to discuss a patient’s biopsy reading further with the pathologist. “I need to talk with Brett–"

“E-mail him,” Danneel quickly replies. “Now come on, we still have a few minutes before clinic starts.”

“Bossy,” he hisses, but let’s Danneel lead him through the hospital. He knows what’s coming, she’s been on him every Monday for weeks now like a shark scenting blood, following and nipping at Jensen until she is satisfied. “What did you do on Saturday?” she asks as they enter the service elevator.

Jensen, having lost the fight awhile ago, quickly answers, “We went back to school shopping.” He can’t believe how fast the few weeks have gone or that in another couple weeks Ashley will be starting first grade. “Then we went to a ballgame.”

“I thought you said Jared doesn’t like baseball?”

“Yeah, but Ashley does, and you know I do too, so…”

“Jared has to endure?”

Jensen shrugs and Danneel continues, “And what about Sunday? Did you make dinner for them again?”

“Yeah,” he answers as they exit the elevator and maneuver around the people waiting to get on.

Danneel smirks. “That makes what… the fifth Sunday in a row?” She hooks her arm through his, leading the way towards Jensen office (with her being a fellow, she doesn’t have her own).

Jensen nods.

“Aww, princess loves to cook for his family.” Her smirk widens.

“It’s not like that,” Jensen says, but feels his cheeks heating. “They’re not my family, well, Ash is, but she’s… I mean– look, Jared can’t cook. That first Sunday, I asked him to boil the rice while I seasoned the chicken. He undercooked it, like chewing rocks. It was rice in a bag, Danni! Who the heck messes that up?”

Danneel chuckles.

“It’s nothing but take-out and fast food over there. Shit isn’t healthy, least of all for a little girl,” Jensen says. “So I cook ‘em dinner once a week that’ll last a few days, it’s not a big deal. Nothing that I don’t already make for myself.”

She turns him to face her as they arrive at Jensen’s door. “It _is_ a big deal, Jensen. Yes, you want Ashley to eat better, but it’s more than that. You care. And you like it, like cooking and providing for your little girl and your man.”

“He isn’t–"

“But you want him to be,” she replies with a wicked grin and, of course, Danni’s pager chooses that moment to go off. “I gotta go, probably be in surgery during lunch, but I’ll call you later tonight, okay?” She doesn’t wait for Jensen’s answer, just squeezes his shoulder before running off.

Jensen shakes his head fondly at Danneel’s retreating figure; the lady has a point. He does want Jared, who wouldn’t? A talented writer who’s handsome and caring and funny and built like a fucking brickhouse. No, wanting Jared isn’t the problem, he thinks as he unlocks the door to his office and switches on the light, it’s not knowing whether Jared wants him back.

Jensen is almost positive he’s seen a spark of desire in Jared’s eyes on more than one occasion, but, so far, Jared hasn’t made any moves.

He bites his lip, wondering for the hundredth time if he shouldn’t go for it, just kiss the big man already, but no, he can’t. He doesn’t want there to be any doubt in Jared’s mind that Jensen wants him for him and not because of Ashley, that there’s no ulterior motive.

Jared has to be the one to make the first move, but at the rate he’s working, Jensen may die of blue balls first.

Jensen sighs, waiting for his computer to load and wondering if he has time to check his e-mail before one of the nurses informs him that his first patient is ready.

And what if Jared does kiss him? Or just shoves him against a wall and fucks him right into next week – shit, Jensen can’t suppress a shiver at that thought, knowing he would spread his legs wide and beg Jared to pound him harder.

And then what? A sexual relationship on top of whatever they have now would only complicate things more.

Maybe it’s a good thing that Jared hasn’t done anything. Probably better for everyone involved if they didn’t add sex to the mix. Jensen’s dick doesn’t agree, but there are plenty of people out there who’ll be happy to scratch that itch.

~~~~

Jensen startles when he hears the knock on his door. It’s late on a Thursday night, he is just about to shut off the TV and head for bed. He hits the power button on the remote anyway, getting up from the couch as he tells Ick to quiet down and looks through his peep hole.

He should have known it would be Chris; he and Danneel are the only two people Jensen has introduced to both the daytime and nighttime doormen. He should do the same for Jared and Ashley, Jensen realizes, frowning at himself for not already thinking of it, and opens his door.

“It’s good to see you, man,” Jensen says, sharing a quick hug with Chris. “What are you doing here?” Chris lives in LA, where his band has a steady gig and where _Carlson and Kane Investigations_ is located.

“Missed seeing your pretty face, Jenny-boy,” he says with a grin.

Jensen gives him the bird, Chris gave him that nickname freshman year at college when he learned that Jensen was only sixteen, and Jensen’s response to it is always the same.

Icarus makes his presence known then, yelping around Chris’ feet. For all of Chris’ tough guy act, he has a definite soft spot for Jensen’s little dog. He quickly sets the thick manila folder, that only then Jensen sees Chris had been holding, on the coffee table and parks himself on Jensen’s recliner. Icarus immediately jumps into his lap, and Chris runs a hand down his back, whispering something that Jensen can’t make out.

“That Jared’s file?” Jensen asks, and goes to grab two beers from the fridge.

“Yeah,” Chris says when Jensen returns, uttering a quick thanks before twisting the bottle open and taking a huge gulp.

“So…” Jensen trails off, reclaiming his earlier spot on the couch, eyeing the folder.

Chris snorts, and Icarus jumps down, scampering towards the doggy door that Jensen had installed next to his balcony sliding doors.

“So,” Chris repeats, mouth turned down. “That’s all you can say? I haven’t seen you since you told me you had a kid. A fucking _kid_ , Jensen, who you’ve spent the last six weeks hanging out with and ‘so’ is the only thing that you have to say. Unbelievable.”

“What do you want me to say?” Jensen rubs the back of his neck. “Ashley’s great, and so is Jared actually.”

“Oh yeah, the guy is swell,” Chris says, voice laced with sarcasm.

Jensen perks up at that. “What? What did you find?”

“Nothing much. A and B student, member of the debate and drama club, did his work-study at the student writing center. Has both a World of Warcraft and match dot com account. Oh, and he spends hours playing chess on his iPhone. Dude’s a geek, man. And a pansy.”

Jensen chuckles, relieved that’s why Chris doesn’t like him and not because he found out Jared’s a murderer or something. He reckons Chris would think the same about him if the reason they met wasn’t because they both were on the baseball team at UT.

“He got himself a lawyer, Jensen, right after you told me you showed him the letter.”

Jensen nods. “He told me he would.”

“And did he also tell you that he’s been doing his own digging around on you?”

“No, but–” Jensen looks away, spots Icarus coming back in, mouth full of his half chewed-up squirrel plush. “It’s not really surprising it is? A guy comes in, saying he’s your daughter’s biological father… Of course Jared would want to know about me. Any half-assed parent would do the same.” Besides, Jensen isn’t one to talk; he’s the one that hired a PI after all.

“Maybe, but did you know Jared was instructed to be nice to you? That his best chance of having the judge side with him is to show how friendly and accommodating he’s being with you?”

Jensen erupts off the couch. “What the fuck?”

Jesus, is that why Jared invited him to coffee that time and to lunch a couple days later and the dozen or so things since? Why he always said yes to Sunday dinners?

He can’t stand it, hopes with everything in him that it isn’t true. It can’t all be just an act, can it? Something dark clouds over Jensen.

“How do you know that, Chris?”

“Sorry, a good detective never reveals his sources.” Chris moves towards him, laying a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Trust me. That’s what his lawyer told him. And,” Chris waits until Jensen is looking at him before continuing, “I think it’s time you get your own lawyer, just in case. Never hurts to be prepared, right?”

Jensen deflates. “I told him I don’t want to go to court.”

“I know you don’t, but you’ve been talking about Ashley a lot when you call lately. It’s pretty obvious you care about her.”

“I do,” Jensen says, fast and absolute.

“And you have every right to her. You can’t just let Jared take her away–”

“Jared won’t.” Jensen is sure of it, or at least, he was.

“You bet your ass he won’t, I won’t let him,” Chris snarls. And that’s his friend for you, protective just like a mama bear.

“Dude’s like twice your size,” Jensen points out.

“I could still take him,” Chris says and somehow, Jensen doesn’t doubt it.

He combs a hand throw his hair. “Just stay on it, okay? And keep me updated if Jared goes to see his lawyer again.”

“Katie Cassidy.”

“What?”

“Jared’s lawyer, it’s Ms. Cassidy.”

“Fuck.” Jensen knows Katie, well not really, he knows _of_ her. When the GI manager, Sophia, filed for full custody of her son against her ex-husband, she had hired Katie, and from what Jensen’s heard around the hospital, Ms. Kathryn Cassidy is the most cutthroat divorce and child custody lawyer in town.

“How can Jared afford her?” Jensen doesn’t know exactly how much Jared makes off his books, but he knows it can’t be that much.

“Did you miss the part where I told you that Sandy is a _child_ psychologist?”

“What does that–"

“Who just happens to be good friends with Cassidy?”

“Fuck,” Jensen repeats.

Chris punches his lips together, he doesn’t look happy. “Look, I know you don’t wanna hear this, but I think, I think it’s time you called your dad.”

Every muscle in Jensen’s body tenses. “Chris.” It comes out as a warning.

Chris puts his hands up, palms out. “What other choice do you have?”

He looks down, sourly and bitterly admitting to himself that if it comes to that, he may not have a choice. That is, assuming his dad will even answer his call, let alone help him. “If it goes to court, then maybe… we’ll cross that bridge only then.”

~~~~

Chris spends the night in Jensen’s guest bedroom, leaves when Jensen has to go to work, making Jensen promise that he’ll come to LA one weekend soon to see the rest of the guys and that he’ll watch his back with Jared.

Up until last night, Jensen didn’t think he needed to watch his back with Jared. A part of him still doesn’t think so. Jared isn’t that kind of person.

But he promises Chris anyway.

It isn’t until lunch that Jensen can finally review the file that Chris delivered.

Jared’s past is just as Chris described, good kid with good grades, more into computers and books than sports and partying. Until college. Jared’s freshman and sophomore year at the University of North Texas was obviously a rebellious time for him, some recreational drug use, a lot of underage drinking, a few benders, and a string of one-night stands.

If there’s one thing his dad taught him, it’s that with the right lawyer, Jared can easily be made to look tainted and immoral, his ability to raise a child questionable. That’s all Jensen needs, just a seed of doubt in the judge’s mind, and with Jensen being the biologically father, Ashley would be his.

Jensen slams the folder down on his desk and rubs a hand through his hair, his mind a whirlwind. Everything had been so good, nearly perfect even, Jared and Ashley slotting into his life like a puzzle piece that he hadn’t known he was missing, but has it really all been a lie? Is Jared just playing nice with him? Hoping to placate him? And for what? So that Jensen doesn’t sue for custody? That the judge rules in Jared’s favor?

Jensen shifts in his chair, restless. He replays the last two months, trying to see if there’s something he missed, some clue that Jared had only been pretending, but he can’t think of anything. Yeah, the first few meetings Jared seemed a little stiff and nervous, but wasn’t that normal and to be expected? And Jensen had been the same.

As the weeks passed they all had seemed to feel more comfortable with each other. The four of them (including Icarus, of course) piling onto Jared’s sofa, tub of popcorn and drinks in hand, for movie night Wednesdays, spending Saturdays together, sharing meals, helping to put Ashley to bed during the weekends. The past couple of weeks Jensen has taken to calling and wishing Ashley a good night a couple of times during the work week (Jared always sounding pleased when Jensen called and Ashley’s sweet giggling in his ear and soft ‘good night’ back filling Jensen with warmth). It all feels so _right_.

He has no idea what he’ll do if it turns out that Jared has only been playing him. He doesn’t want to go to court, doesn’t want a custody battle. Children aren’t some kind of prize that should be fought over. He doesn’t want Ashley to go through that.

Plus, if he’s being honest with himself, he’s still not sure if he wants to be a father to Ashley. He cares for her deeply, is pretty sure he loves her, but to be a fulltime dad? To be in charge of teaching and shaping another life? That’s a responsibility that Jensen doesn’t want.

Right?

Jensen’s confused about knowing what the best course of action is, but the one thing he does know is simple. He wants to be a part of Ashley’s life, and if Jared tries to stop that, if he takes this to court, then Jensen will fight back.

He can be just as ruthless as Jared and that lawyer of his… hell, he can be more.

~~~~

Jensen takes off the latex gloves with a loud snap, tossing them into the red biohazard bin, glad that’s it’s almost lunch time. Wednesday’s are his busiest days by far, with procedures in the morning, clinic in the afternoon, and movie night at Jared’s. He breathes a sigh of relief when he gets the damn surgical gown off, stupid things are hotter than they look, and after spending three hours in one, alternating between poking holes in peoples livers, performing endoscopies, and draining abdominal fluid, he’s more than ready to be done and head back to his office.

He checks in with the first nurse he sees, making sure there’s no one still on his schedule and that he can leave. At her go ahead, Jensen makes a stop at the bathroom to relieve his bladder before heading out.

He stops at the cafeteria’s salad bar to grab an early lunch and decides to take the guest elevators back since they’re closer.

He’s around the corner from the hepatology clinic waiting area when he hears someone yelling, “Where the hell is that bastard?!”

Is that… Jared?

Jensen quickens his step.

“I need you to calm down, sir,” comes the unmistakable firm and commanding voice of Samantha Ferris, the head nurse.

“No! I know Jensen is back there. Let me see him now!”

Oh shit, it is Jared. Every eye in the waiting room is on the tall man trying to barge his way into the clinic area, Sam in front of him, and a second later, Jeff’s there, right in Jared’s face. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Dr. Ackles isn’t here. You need to leave right now, or I’ll call security.” Jeff’s tone is icy, not to be messed with.

“Not leaving until I see the lying asshole. Get out of my way. _Now_.” Jared’s maybe a couple inches taller than Jeff, but the other man doesn’t back down, and Jensen forgets sometimes, just how badass Jeffrey Dean Morgan can be when he wants to be.

Jensen steps in before Jeff can say anything. “It’s okay. There’s no need to call security. I’m here.”

Jeff looks doubtful. “Jensen.”

“It’s fine. I know Jared. He’s… uh, he’s my…”

Jared snorts and turns his angry eyes to Jensen. “Why, doctor, don’t tell me someone as smart as you doesn’t know what to call the man that adopted his biological daughter.”

He hears the gasps from Jeff and Sam, can only imagine what must be going through their minds right now.

He forces himself to meet Jeff’s eyes. “I’ll take Jared to my office. I am so sorry, Dr. Morgan, I’ll make sure nothing like this ever happens again.” He doesn’t wait for Jeff to speak, just grabs Jared’s arm and hauls him down the corridor and into his office, overhears Jeff tell Sam to call security, just in case.

Jesus Christ.

“What were you thinking?” Jensen says harshly when the door is closed. “This is where I work, a freaking hospital. You can’t just– dammit! That was my fucking boss out there.” This is bad, so very, very bad.

He’s so mad; he can’t even look at Jared. Not knowing what possessed the other man to do this. He turns away, managing to set his lunch on his desk before he feels Jared’s hand squeezing around his bicep and tightening until Jensen turns to look at Jared.

“Fuck you, man. I know all about your private detective.” Jared pokes Jensen in the chest, hard.

Oh, shit.

Jensen decides to go on the offensive. “What did you expect? I just found out I had a daughter that was adopted by a man I know nothing about. Of course I was curious about who you were.”

“Then you get to know me. Like we’ve been doing. You don’t have me investigated behind my back.”

“Like you didn’t go behind my back with your lawyer,” Jensen throws out, sneering. At Jared’s surprised look, he says, “Yeah, that’s right. I know about your meeting with Katie Cassidy. Your invitation to lunch at Noodles wasn’t spur of the moment, was it? Or, the day at the beach. Nothing was. You’ve pre-meditated everything. Trying to buddy up to me.”

Jared’s shaking his head. “No, it wasn’t– I mean, maybe in the beginning, but not. Look, I told you I was getting a lawyer and okay, yeah, she did advise me to act friendly towards you, but it isn’t like that.”

“How is it, then?” he rasps, stepping closer to Jared until they’re almost touching, tilting his head up to look into Jared’s eyes, hoping for something, not sure exactly what.

Jared’s eyes drop to Jensen’s mouth and linger for a moment, and then he shakes his head, once, as if to clear it. Takes a step back. “No, I… no. You don’t get to do this. You had me investigated, Jensen. And it wasn’t to see what kind of person I am. You were hoping to dig up something from my past. That you could use in court. You’re just like your father.”

Jensen feels his blood turn cold. “My father? What do you know–”

“About ‘The Strong-arm’ Ackles? There wasn’t a week in college that I didn’t see one of his commercials. Your dad’s the most cutthroat lawyer in Texas.”

Jensen curses under his breath; he should have known. His dad’s commercials air all over the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, which UNT is located in. He’s about to tell Jared that he hasn’t seen his father in over sixteen years, but Jared speaks first.

“I’m not going to let you and your dad take Ashley away from me.”

“We aren’t– I’m not. Goddammit, Jared.” He runs a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to pull. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to go to court?”

“Then whataya want? It’s been two months, man, what the hell do you want?”

“… I don’t know,” he mumbles, leaning against the back of his door. “I want to get–”

“So help me, Jensen, if you say you wanna get to know Ashley, I will hit you,” Jared snarls, his nostrils flaring. “You’ve already gotten to know her. And me.” He moves closer, causing Jensen to look up yet again. Fucking giant. “What do you want?”

Jensen gulps. “I want. Like we’ve been doing. I like spending time with y– her.” He pushes Jared, gives himself some breathing room. “I want to continue as we’ve been doing.”

“That’s all?” Jared looks surprised. “Continue as is?”

“Yes.” Jensen just wants for things to get back to how they were before Chris came to see him.

“You’ll call off your dog?”

Jensen nods, but doesn’t tell Jared that Chris has already dug up all the dirt that Jensen needs.

~~~~

The problem with continuing as they have been is that they don’t.

The picnic in Balboa Park on Labor Day isn’t at all how Jensen had pictured it. Jared doesn’t crack a smile even once. He barely eats. He usually wolves down Jensen’s food like the food whore he is, making sure to get every last bite and licking his fingers clean, teasing Jensen about the fine wife he’ll make someone. Not this time though.

Ashley seems to pick up on her father’s somber mood and isn’t her usual rambunctious and cheerful self.

Things only get worse from there. Jared withdraws more and more, and while Jensen wouldn’t call him rude, he definitely isn’t acting friendly. He stops laughing around Jensen, stops his good-natured ribbing, stops _touching_ Jensen. No more hugs or pats on the shoulder or resting his hand on Jensen’s knee.

He’s not… Jared-like.

Jensen realizes then just how much of Jared’s personality is like a giant puppy, playful and upbeat, making those around him smile. He’s quick to laugh, quick to put others at ease, quick to offer a helping hand. When he enters a room, people take notice, and sure, some of it is because of his size, but it’s something else too. Jared fucking _shines_.

But dims when Jensen is around.

Jensen wants to make things better, but has no idea how. Or when. He still sees them over the weekends and sometimes during the week, but it’s decreasing.

September is a busy month for him. The start of the academic year means more duties for Jensen, three new fellows to mentor. Two of his research studies get approved within one week of each other. Patients that put off treatment over the summer now want to start and with the recent FDA approval of a triple-therapy regime for Hepatitis C patients, Jensen’s putting in more clinic time in clinics that are already overbooked. He gets home later from work, more of his evenings are spent doing paperwork and answering emails, and some days he’s too tired to even take Icarus for a walk.

It’s near the end of the month when he takes them to another baseball game. Given Jared’s attitude the past few weeks and his feelings towards baseball, Jensen thinks it’ll be better for everyone if just him and Ashley go.

Jared doesn’t agree, to put it mildly.

The game is a disaster. When Jared refuses to buy Ashley a forty dollar toy, she screams and cries and then refuses to speak to either of them. Jensen is so tempted to buy the silly thing for her, but he knows his relationship with Jared is on thin ice already and doing so would make things worse.

Ashley slumps in her seat, arms crossed and fuming. Jared doesn’t say a thing, taking out his phone and immersing himself in chess or Farmville or whatever.

Jensen can’t help being relieved and giving a silent ‘thank you’ to the Heavens when his on-call pager goes off in the bottom of the third and he’s needed at the hospital.

The following Sunday, he can’t make dinner. It’s the first time since they started their Sunday dinners back in July that he has to cancel, but he has no time to cook anything. He’s leaving on Tuesday for a three day conference in Spain where he’s scheduled to give a talk on his latest research findings. Problem is he still hasn’t had a chance to finalize the data or prepare any slides, which he has to spend the weekend doing.

He finishes up his PowerPoint presentation on the flight and tells himself to never wait this long again. Jensen hates doing things last minute, too much of a chance for error.

His talk goes smoothly though, and Jensen enjoys his visit. He meets several European hepatologists, some that also specialize in primary biliary cirrhosis, including a Swedish woman named Petra Runeberg, who has one hell of a rack in addition to bright blue eyes and wavy dirty blonde hair. They share almost every meal together; she’s extremely interested in Jensen’s research on etiology and genetic factors that may cause PBC to develop and Jensen in hers (why PBC affects women much more than men and what causal mechanisms are involved).

He exchanges business cards with her and a few other practitioners, waiting until he’s boarded on the flight home to add her info into his Droid. He’ll definitely be in touch. Maybe they can get some kind of international study going.

He spends Friday night with Icarus, taking him to his favorite dog park for a couple hours, spoiling him with several doggy and human treats, lazily petting him all through the eleven o’clock news, and letting him sleep on the bed.

He’s slow to fall asleep himself. Tomorrow is Ashley’s sixth birthday, and he wants to give her something special.

~~~~

The morning dawns cloudy and rainy.

Jensen hates mornings, if he had his way, there’d be a law against getting up before ten. That’s what time he usually gets up on weekends, but not today. He has to take Icarus to the groomers and the latest appointment they have is nine. Of course, Jensen should have probably called them before last Tuesday but he hadn’t made up his mind until then.

The rain is coming down pretty hard when he drops Ick off and heads to the grocery store. He can hear thunder nearly constantly as he maneuvers down the aisles, and when he gets back to the groomer, he has to wrap up his boy in his jacket, fur nicely trimmed and pristine white, as they dash to his car.

It starts to die down when they get home, and by noon the sun is out and the ground is already half dry. He gives Jared a call, asking again if he can bring or do anything. Jared tells him that he has it covered, Sandy and her husband are already there helping to set up and he’ll see Jensen at two, when the party starts.

Jensen pulls up early to Jared’s house anyway, hoping to get a few minutes alone with Jared. He knows he really should have discussed his present for Ashley with Jared first, made sure it’s okay, but he had been wavering, hell he’s _still_ wavering, wondering if he should have just gone with the Easy-Bake Oven.

Too late now, though.

He’s nervous as he rings the doorbell, shifting from foot to foot and knows his “Hi” comes out raspier than usual when Jared opens the door.

“Hey, Jens–” Jared’s voice abruptly cuts off when he sees Icarus in Jensen’s arms, big blue bow on his collar.

“Jensen,” he whispers, surprised, eyes darting to Jensen’s face. “You… Icarus is…”

“Jensen!” Ashley yells happily, launching herself around Jensen’s legs, and he has no idea where the squirt came from so fast. “It’s my birthday today!” She looks up then and notices Icarus. Her eyes get big and she takes a step away, looking around and behind Jensen before settling on Icarus again. Jensen can practically see her mind processing.

She bites her lip and hesitantly, but hopefully and so damn adorably, asks, “Is Ick my present?”

Jensen shoots a look to Jared, silently asking if this is okay. The big man’s thoughts are harder to figure out than Ashley’s, and Jensen has no idea what’s going through Jared’s head, can’t make out what exactly he sees in Jared’s eyes.

Jared silently mouths, “Are you sure?” and Jensen takes that for permission.

He’s a little surprised that Icarus is being so quiet in his arms, usually when he sees Ashley, he yelps and jumps and is all rambunctious, but not now. Now he’s cuddled up against Jensen’s chest silently, as if he’s picking up on Jensen’s anxiety.

For a moment, Jensen doesn’t want to let him go. Icarus is his boy, he’s taken care of the little furball for almost a year, but he can’t change his mind now, not with Ashley looking at him with those piecing eyes of hers, her little body vibrating, wanting so badly but not pushing.

Jensen bends until his knees touch the hardwood and he’s close to eye level with Ashley. “Happy birthday, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her on her rosy cheek and gently placing Icarus in her arms. “He’s all yours, if you promise me you’ll take extra special care of him.”

Ashley is already nodding before Jensen finishes speaking. “I will, I will!” She clutches the dog to her and a second later screeches, “Oh my god. Oh my god! I have a doggie!” She shrieks then, loud and delighted, and Jensen fears she may be squeezing Icarus too hard, but then he yips and she loosens her hold.

“Why don’t you go out back and show Sandy and Ty your new dog,” Jared suggests, ruffling Ashley’s hair.

“Yeah!” She hurries off, giggling along the way.

Jensen stands and looks down when he and Jared are alone, rubbing the back of his neck. “So. I have all his toys and treats and stuff in my trunk. Oh, and a couple bags of food. I’ll buy some more when it’s out.”

“Jensen, look at me,” Jared says and waits until Jensen does. “Are you sure? I know how much you love the little guy.”

“Yeah, I do. I am. This is better.”

Jared doesn’t look convinced. “Better how? He’s _your_ dog, Jen.”

“Dude, I think he stopped being my dog within five minutes of meeting Ashley.” Jensen releases a short laugh. “They adore each other. He’s bigger than a Chihuahua, which I know she’s been begging you for, so really you should be thanking me. I saved your ginormous feet from committing accidental doggy homicide.”

Jared chuckles, and it’s so good to see him smile again. He’s missed seeing those dimples.

“My hero,” Jared deadpans. “You know, I was all set to take her to the shelter this morning, but with the storm… thunder kinda freaks her out, so we stayed in. Guess it worked out. It’s just,” he takes a step closer to Jensen, causing Jensen to look up, “I really need you to be sure about this.”

“I am,” he says, surer than before. “I meant what I said about this being better. Ick’ll be happier here. I’m gone so much, he’s alone the majority of the day, but here he won’t be. He’ll have a whole house to rule over, a big backyard to play in, two people to love on him. It’s a win/win for everyone.”

“And what about you?”

“It’s good for me too,” he answers. “I won’t worry about him as much, all alone in the apartment. I won’t have to rush home anymore, I can go on business trips whenever I want now, not having to find someone to take care of him or book a kennel.”

“You want to work even more?” Jared asks slowly, impassively.

“Of course. My work is important to me.” That’s a given by now, isn’t it?

“I know it is. I just thought that we– nevermind. Your job _is_ important; you do great work, Jensen. Let’s go get Icarus’ stuff, okay?”

Jensen wants to say no, it’s not okay, something is obviously bothering Jared, but he only nods. Between the two of them, it only takes one trip to unload his car. Jensen had managed to pack all of Ick’s things in one box and a few bags.

The party gets underway soon after, and Jensen keeps a close eye on Icarus, not sure how he’ll react to sixteen little children all wanting a chance to play with and hold him. Turns out, he doesn’t need to worry. Ick basks in the attention, preening, tail wagging, and all swagger as he trots through the yard, and all Jensen can do is shake his head at the little shit.

It’s shortly after cake and presents that a group of three boys start roughhousing a little too roughly with Icarus for Jensen’s liking. He’s about to head over, but Ashley beats him to it.

“You’re not supposed to pull his tail, Ryan,” she scolds, clearly upset, and reaches to take Icarus away from the boy. She coos at Ick, says something that Jensen can’t hear and then sets him down on the ground and turns back to the boys. “He’s a living thing, not some toy. You’re supposed to be gentle with him. I don’t want you playing with him if you’re gonna be mean.”

Jensen is overwhelmed with the rush of emotion he feels then, filled with so much love and pride for this amazing little girl. His _daughter_. She’s awesome, and he has no idea how something so magnificent came from him.

The boys promise not to do it again, and Ashley gives them a long, hard look before nodding and walking away, Icarus hot on her heels.

Jensen knows he doesn’t have to worry about Ick anymore; his boy is in good hands.

Ashley looks at Jensen then, as if she sensed his gaze, and she smiles, big and bright, like the sun coming out, and how can Jensen not return it?

She comes over to him. “I’m so glad you’re back, Jensen. I really missed you when you were away.”

And just like that, Jensen is shamed, feeling all of two feet tall. “Missed you too, Ash,” he says, even though he had barely thought about her during the conference.

“Come and get a piece of cake, it’s really good. Auntie Sandy made it. It even has sprinkles!” She takes his hand, pulling him toward the table, and he’s helpless to resist.

God. He’s such an idiot and a total loser. He doesn’t deserve a kid as cool as Ashley. Not when he’s pretty much been ignoring her for over a month.

Jensen vows to change that immediately. Starting today, he’s going to do a better job of juggling work and Ashley.

The cake is delicious, but the rich and moist chocolate with sweet white frosting and fresh strawberries are nowhere near as good as the feeling of Ashley nestled against his side as he eats. She’s already had two pieces and seems content to just be at his side and watch him eat.

He notices people beginning to leave as he uses his fingers to get the last crumbs on his plate, and soon Ashley gets whisked away to say goodbyes.

Jensen stays, helping Jared to clean up. He’s just turning on the dishwater when Jared touches his arm for a second to get his attention. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask if you wouldn’t mind watching Ashley for a couple days? I have to go out to Arizona to meet with my publishers in a few weeks.”

Jensen’s floored. He’s never been alone with Ashley, Jared always seeming too hesitant about it, and so Jensen has never pushed.

“And with Gen, of course,” Jared adds.

“Gen?” he asks, frowning.

“Genevieve, my editor. She was here a few weeks ago. Don’t you remember?”

“Oh right, Genevieve, yeah.” He remembers her perfectly. Cute as a button and totally enamored with Jared. Which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that Jared is totally enamored back. They flirted constantly during her visit, and Jensen spent the whole time reminding himself that Jared is gay.

“So, will you watch shorty for me?”

It’s a no-brainer. “Dude, of course. I’d love to watch the little squirt. When?”

“Awesome. November second and third. I’ll be heading out late on the second, it’s a Wednesday, so you won’t need to miss work, but could you maybe come here afterwards? Stay the night? I think it would be better for Ashley to be home while I’m away and not in a strange apartment. Uh, not that I think your apartment is strange, I mean–”

“I know what you mean.” Jensen laughs and is utterly charmed by the slight flush on Jared’s cheeks. “Its fine, man. I’ll watch her that night, get her ready in the morning. I’ll need to pick her up from school the next day, then?”

“Yep. She gets out at two thirty, and then I’ll be home around six. I’ll have my cell with me the whole time if you guys need anything or something comes up and–”

“It’ll be fine.” Jensen sees the worry on Jared’s face and lays his hand on Jared’s arm. “I promise. I’ll even have a nice dinner with all the fixins waiting for you when you get home.”

One side of Jared’s mouth goes up. “Are you sure? What about your job?”

“I’ll do a half day on Thursday. Post-transplant clinic ends around eleven thirty and I’ll just get someone to cover the afternoon. It’s no problem. I’m off Friday anyway, so I can pack for my trip then.” Jensen already has it all worked out in his head. Easy as pie.

“Trip?” Jared frowns. “Another conference?”

“Yeah,” Jensen answers. “ASLD is having their annual meeting November fourth through the eighth.”

“ASLD?” Jared asks.

“Oh, sorry, yeah, that’s the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases.”

“And you’ll be going?”

Jensen doesn’t understand why Jared looks unhappy. “It’s pretty much ‘The Liver Meeting’, no one misses it. Unless it’s their turn to be on service or something.”

“And when were you going to tell me about it? A couple days before you left, just like last week?” Jared frowns deepens.

“I don’t get what the big deal is. Why are you acting–” Jensen stops, pretty sure the conversation is going nowhere good and that he’s better off not finishing that sentence.

“And just how am I acting?” Jared says, his eyes darting to Jensen’s and narrowing.

Yeah, definitely nowhere good. “Just tell me what the problem is. I know I do more work travel than most people, but it’s a part of my job.”

“I get that, I do. And it’s…” Jared cards a hand through his hair. “Look, you can’t just take off without giving Ashley and me more than a couple days notice. Ashley’s just a kid, she needs stability and dependability. Do you have any idea how upset she was when you called last Sunday and said you couldn’t do dinner? She baked you cookies that morning, wanted to surprise you and thank you for all the great things you’ve cooked for us. She worked so hard to fix everything just like the directions said. Barely let me help, kept going on how you’re always saying that I’m not allowed in the kitchen. I was just taking them out of the oven when you called.”

“Jared, I…” He has no idea what to say. What can he say? He wants to go wrap Ashley up in his arms, tell her how sorry he is, promise to never do it again, but with his job being so demanding and unpredictable at times he knows that it _will_ happen again.

“I get that when you’re on call, you need to leave right away, but you knew about that trip for awhile. If you had let us know, we would have waited to make cookies. I mean, I get you don’t do commitment or whatever and that you don’t want family responsibilities, but if you really want to be a part of Ashley’s life then that’s what you need to do. You can’t have both, man.”

Jensen swallows thickly. “I do, I want that. Ashley and,” _you_ he almost says, but stops himself just in time. He looks Jared in the eye and swears, “I’ll do better. I promise you. I’ll let you guys know as soon as I know about any trips, and I’ll be around more.”

Jared doesn’t look completely convinced, but it’s a start. Jensen will have to prove by doing from here on out.

~~~~

Jensen is better than his word, spending almost all his non-working and sleeping hours with Ashley and Jared. He’s with them every weekend and most times it’s Jared’s house that he drives to after work.

He stays until Ashley is asleep, and one night about three weeks later, Ashley asks _him_ to tell her a bedtime story. Jensen is downright giddy at the request, not recalling when last he felt that way.

She settles under the covers of her bed as Jensen pulls up a chair. She takes his hand, and Jensen rakes his brain trying to think of a story, but only one readily comes to mind.

He tells her of a beautiful and kind queen, with hair of spun gold and eyes as lovely as Ashley’s, who spent her days teaching the children of her kingdom and wanted nothing more than a child of her own. She and her husband tried for a long time before the king, who was very rich, called upon the finest doctors in all the land to help his wife conceive. But all the doctors said that same thing, that the queen would never bear a child. She didn’t listen to them though, she kept on trying, and each night before she went to bed she prayed for a baby to call hers.

Then one night, as she looked outside the castle window she saw a falling star, wishing with all her might upon it, and nine months later the queen had her baby boy. She lavished the young prince with all her love, made sure he didn’t want for anything. They rode all over the countryside together on the queen’s mighty black steed named Impala.

“What about the king?” Ashley asks, followed by a yawn. “Wasn’t he with them?”

“The king was a very busy man,” Jensen answers. “He had a whole kingdom to rule over.”

“And the prince didn’t miss his daddy?”

 _Can’t miss what you never had, kiddo._ “Nah, he was too busy playing with all his friends and he had the queen. They were almost always together, as happy as two clams.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” she mutters sleepily, and Jensen has to look away for a moment.

He feels her hand let go and turns to tuck her in more securely, notices her eyes are already closed. “Good night, sweetheart,” he says and softly kisses her forehead.

She whispers, “Love you,” and from one breath to the next, she’s asleep.

Jensen has no idea how long he sits there, stunned into silence and chest aching.

+++++

It’s quiet when Jared steps in from the garage, almost too quiet. He saw the lights on as he was pulling his car in though, so he knows someone has to be home.

He had texted Jensen when he got off the plane, letting Jensen know the flight was fine and that he would be home soon, and has steadily become more worried as time had passed and he received no return text.

Jared hadn’t wanted to leave yesterday, Jensen had to practically kick him out the door, and in the twenty-four hours since he knows he’s called and texted Jensen an almost obscene number of times, but he couldn’t help it.

Jensen had never sounded annoyed or upset though, patiently telling Jared that everything was fine, and if Ashley was in reach, handing the phone to her.

Jared doesn’t bother taking off his shoes, just drops his bag on the laundry room floor that’s adjacent to the garage and goes in search of life.

He doesn’t need to go very far.

They’re piled on the recliner in the family room, sleeping. Ashley is in Jensen’s lap, the side of her face resting on his shoulder, his shallow breaths causing the hair on the top of her head to sway. One of her hands is splayed on his chest, right over his heart, and one of Jensen’s is wrapped around her waist, keeping her close.

They’ve never looked more alike, like father and daughter, beautiful together, and the affection they have for each other is clear as day.

Wetness gathers in Jared's eyes and he struggles to blink it away. He’s never going to have that. He and Ashley look nothing alike. People will never know he’s her father just by looking at them.

Jared’s heart turns over; he’s on the verge of crying when he spots movement out of the corner of his eye.

Icarus is tucked into the small space between Jensen’s side and the chair arm. He starts to slowly thump his tail when Jared’s eyes land on him and Jared shushes him as he gets closer. He crouches down and gently extracts Icarus from his place, scratching his ears in hopes the dog will remain quiet.

Jared isn’t sure if he can face Jensen just yet, not when he’s sure everything he’s feeling must show on his face in big red marker.

Once Icarus is in his arms and after checking to make sure the pair is still sleeping soundly, Jared raises, quietly stepping into the kitchen and towards the patio doors to let Icarus outside. He doesn’t need to, spotting the doggy door that Jensen must have installed while Jared was gone. He sets Icarus down and the dog trots through the flap, tail wagging. Jared shakes his head and wonders if Jensen realizes how much he dotes on the furball.

He’s not any better with Ashley, both have Jensen wrapped around their fingers (or paws) and Jared thinks for a guy that says he doesn’t want a family, he’s got an awful lot of love to give.

And that stops Jared right in his tracks, scares the shit out of him.

He’s seen that each time Jensen comes to visit, the harder it is for him to leave, knows that it’s only a matter of time before Jensen doesn’t leave. Not without demanding to take Ashley with him.

Jared has no idea what he’ll do the day Jensen wises up and realizes he wants to keep Ashley, be a father to her. The court is going to rule with Jensen, Jared has no false hopes about that, and while he’s pretty sure that Jensen will allow him visitation rights and won’t ever say no if he asks to see Ashley, it won’t be the same.

He lightly taps Jensen on his free shoulder. “Jen?”

“Hmm.” Jensen stirs, tilting his head towards Jared as his deep green eyes flutter open, the exact shade of Ashley’s.

Ashley doesn’t like the movement, burrowing her face into Jensen’s neck, and Jared remembers that the last time he left for an overnight trip Ashley was impatiently waiting for him at the door, leaping into his arms with a joyous cry as soon as she saw him.

He knows right then and there that he’s going to lose her, his whole world for six years and the best thing to have ever happened to him, and he has no idea how to stop it.

 

 **Part Four**

 

Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Five months to the day and Jensen is sitting on the same uncomfortably hard park bench, eyes captivated by the same little girl playing less than thirty feet away.

The weather is sunny and warm, just a couple of degrees cooler than it was in June, the park is filled with children in the playground and people out for a jog or leisurely stroll.

Ashley is on the swings, refusing to be pushed, the same little boy from last time is on the swing next to hers, and they’re giggling about something that Jensen can’t hear but thinks he probably wouldn’t get what’s so funny anyway.

The girl’s giant of a dad is here too, keeping on eye on her and talking happily, smiling that gorgeous dimpled smile that still makes Jensen melt inside a little.

Only this time, Jared is sitting beside Jensen, the bench small enough that they’re pressed up against each other from shoulder to knee.

Not that Jensen minds.

“-sen?”

“Huh? What?” Jensen looks over at his companion.

“I asked if you wanted to come over on Saturday and help me put up Christmas lights,” Jared answers.

“Christmas? Dude, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.”

Jared shrugs. “Thanksgiving is only like two weeks away. And I told you Ashley and I were heading to my folks that week, so I want to get the lights done before.”

And Jared had, actually he invited Jensen to go with them but Jensen is on service that week and has to work. He had volunteered for both Thanksgiving and Christmas coverage earlier in the year, wanting to give the other hepatologists a chance to spend it with their families. He’s kind of wishing he hadn’t now though.

“Yeah, I’ll help. No problem. ‘Sides, someone needs to watch to make sure your gigantic ass doesn’t fall off the roof.”

“My ass ain’t big,” he says in mock outrage. “It’s a fine ass, nice and tight. Shapely and supple.”

“Shapely? Supple? Who uses words like that anymore.” Jensen shakes his head, grinning. “You my grandma now?”

“Your grandma wishes she had an ass this fine,” Jared retorts and gets up, bending over and wiggling said ass in Jensen’s face. “Check it out. That’s Grade A ass right there in front of you.”

Jensen smacks it as he chortles loudly. “Sit your overgrown self down. You’re scaring the young’uns.”

Jared sits and sticks his tongue out at Jensen. “You’re no fun.”

“And you’re a child,” he says and realizes how true that is. In some ways Jared has the sense of humor and maturity level of a kid.

Another thing to add to the list of similarities between Ashley and Jared then.

Jared knocks his knee against Jensen’s, smiling, and Jensen is helpless to do anything else but smile back.

“We’re putting up the tree on Sunday. You should come help with that too.”

“You’re not going back to Texas then?”

“Nah, Jeff is spending the holiday with his in-laws and Megan’s been wanting to see San Diego for awhile now, so her and my parents will be coming here.”

Jared’s parents, here? Jensen swallows. “You, uh, going to have room for all of ‘em?”

“Sure, Mom and Dad in the guest room, and Megan can either share with Ashley or have the air mattress. You going to be here or head to your dad’s?”

Jensen is tempted to lie for minute, say he’s going to his dad’s just so he won’t have to meet Jared’s parents, but he can’t. “I’ll be here.”

“Great! Ashley gets up real early on Christmas, so maybe you should spend the night so you’re not driving at like five in morning,” Jared suggests and then adds with a smirk, “I know how much you crave all the beauty sleep you can get.”

Jensen doesn’t crack a smile. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want to intrude on your family time. And I’m working then anyway.”

“The hospital has you working both holidays? Man, you must have pissed off the wrong person.”

Once again, Jensen wants to lie but doesn’t. “I volunteered actually. Back in April.”

“So unvolunteer.” At Jensen’s doubtful look, Jared continues, “Look, Ashley will be devastated if you can’t be there. And someone has to help me cook Christmas dinner or I’ll end up burning down the kitchen.”

“Jared. I…”

“Just ask your boss. Please,” he begs, puppy dog eyes out full force, and Jensen now knows exactly where Ashley has learned it from.

And just like Ashley’s, Jensen is unable to deny those eyes anything.

~~~~

Jensen knocks on Jeff’s door, staring idly at the name plate on the left that pronounces him Division Head.

“Come in.”

Jensen steps inside the office that’s easily twice as big as his.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jeff greets from his desk. “Have a sit. What can I do for you?”

“Just wondering if you had a chance to read my e-mail yet.” It’s been three days and Jensen hasn’t received a reply. He knows Jeff is extremely busy, but he’s usually pretty good about getting back to people.

Jeff leans back in his chair, eyeing Jensen. “About you wanting Christmas off? It’s so you can spend it with your daughter, correct?”

“Yeah.” No point in denying it now, ever since Jared came storming in, news of Jensen being a dad has spread through the hospital like wildfire. Nosy gossips, every last one of them. “I know it’s short notice and that I already said I would–”

“But that was before you knew you had a kid. Its fine, Jensen, I get it. Every parent and child should get a chance to spend their first Christmas together.”

“Thank you,” he says and while last weekend this was something he didn’t want, now he feels excited at the prospect of being there when Ashley opens her presents, of waking up in Jared’s house, sharing breakfast and coffee, and just being with them. “Do you know who’s covering instead?” Jensen wants to thank them as well.

“Yes.” Jeff nods. “Me.”

Jensen widens his eyes. “But you have a baby of your own, you just said every parent–”

“Should spend their first Christmas together. Gus will be two in March.”

“But, Jeff–”

“It’s fine. The kid is small enough that he won’t remember, and you worked Christmas last year. There’s five hepatologists, so we should all only have to be here on Christmas once every five years. You’re good for another three years. Enjoy it.”

Jensen bites his lower lip, not pleased with having Jeff be the one coming in when he said he would do it, but not wanting to give up the chance to be with Ashley either. It’s been years since he actually had someone to share the holidays with.

“I will. Thank you again.” Jensen makes to get up, but Jeff halts him.

“You know, did I ever tell you that I spoke about you with Jim this past summer?”

“Jim, as in the Chair of Medicine Jim?” Jensen asks, surprised, not sure if what’s coming is going to be bad or good.

Jeff smiles. “He likes you, hell, we both do. He reviewed your record and CV, said if you keep this up we’ll have to make you an associate in a couple more years.”

Jensen’s stunned, to make associate professor in only four or five years is really damn awesome. It’ll make him eligible for tenure and would be one hell of a pay raise.

“I also told him that Chen is thinking about retiring in a few years.” Doctor Jianyu Chen is the director of hepatology. “But first he says he’ll want to step down as medical director of liver transplantation,” Jeff says and looks at Jensen pointedly.

“I… wow, do you think I have a shot?” That’s the position Jensen has been eyeing since he started here.

“I’d say your chances are pretty good, especially if you can make associate first. But Jensen,” Jeff pauses, doesn’t look happy about whatever he’s going to say next. “The circles under your eyes are getting darker each time I see you. How many hours of sleep a night are you getting? Four?”

Jensen shrugs. “About.”

“You’ve been pretty good about leaving here at five, so my guess is you go spend a few hours with your daughter then go back to your place late and spend hours on your computer working until the dead of night.”

“With all due respect, I’m not sure what this has to do with anything,” he says, not sure what business this is of Jeff’s. “Have you gotten complaints about me?”

“No, no. No complaints, your work is exceptional, like always. You do a lot for the university, both academically and clinically. But you’re running yourself too thin, and drinking more coffee isn’t the cure. Nothing’s happened yet, but fatigue leads to mistakes and mistakes here can mean death. You know that.”

“What are you getting at?”

Jeff takes a deep breath. “I’m saying you can’t have both.”

“Bullshit,” Jensen replies immediately, pissed off. “The majority of doctors here have families.”

“Damn it, boy, calm down, that isn’t what I meant. I mean, you can’t be a proper dad and become the world-renowned hepatologist that you want. You won’t be able to get the publications and marketing you need to go traveling around the world giving talks and teaching. You’re running yourself into the ground trying to juggle both now. You have to make one more important. Family or career, one needs to come first.”

“And if I don’t choose?”

“I won’t stand for a doctor on my staff that looks as if he’s ready to collapse.”

Jensen deflates in his chair. He can’t cut back clinically, Jeff knows that. “But if I decrease my research pursuits, I’m not going to make associate in a couple of years.”

“No, you’re not,” Jeff says with sympathy in his eyes, and Jensen knows he’s just being realistic.

“And the board isn’t going to give the transplant position to junior faculty, are they?”

“I’m not sure, but probably not. I’m sorry, Jensen.”

~~~~

Shit, Jared’s going to kill him. He had asked Jensen to pick up Ashley from school today as he has a book signing.

Only he’s late, got held back at work and traffic is more of a bitch than usual even though it isn’t rush hour. He’s supposed be there at two thirty and it’s close to ten to three and, fuck, what if something happens to Ashley?

Jensen takes a deep breath to try to calm himself as he turns on the street the school is on, reminding himself that Ashley’s been told again and again who is allowed to pick her up and that under no circumstances is she to go with someone who isn’t on the list, no matter if they say that her dad had asked them to get her, nor is she allowed to walk home by herself. She is to stay at the school.

Jensen pulls up to the front of the building and spots Ashley right away. Thank god. She’s by the doors, talking with some boy that Jensen hasn’t seen before and judging by his size has to be a couple years older.

He’s getting out of the Impala when he hears Ashley shout, “You’re a liar!” and turn her face toward Jensen. She spots him right away and starts running toward him. He sees the tear stains down her sweet face, opening up his arms as she barrels into him, hiccupping and crying, and he lifts her, one hand holding her up and the other cradling her head.

“What is it, sweetheart, what’s the matter?”

She lifts her red-rimmed eyes to him. “Jack said. He said… he’s a liar!” she sobs, burying her face in Jensen’s shoulder. He has no idea what to do.

He looks up, doesn’t see the boy anywhere, which is probably a good thing as he kind of wants to kick the boy for making his little girl cry.

“What did he say?” Jensen asks softly, patting and rubbing her back to try to soothe her.

After a few moments, she finally looks at him again and chokes out in a rush, “He said that people can’t be angels and Heaven doesn’t exist and that my mommy isn’t up there, that she’s gone forever, and her body is being eaten by worms and, and…” A whole new wave of tears comes rolling down her cheeks and forget kicking, Jensen could murder that boy.

“That’s not true, Ashley. Your mommy _is_ up in Heaven and watches over you all the time.”

Ashley sniffs. “She does?”

“Uh-huh. She loves you very much.” He tenderly wipes her face, wishing he had a tissue. “Don’t listen to what Jack told you. I know for a fact that people can be angels.”

“How do you know?” she questions between hiccups.

“Because my mama’s one.”

Ashley tilts her head, as if she’s thinking something over. “You sound so sure.”

Jensen smiles, it had always pained him whenever he thought of his mom before, but lately it doesn’t hurt as much, especially if Ashley is around. “There’s no doubt in my mind. My mama was something real special, just like you, kiddo.”

She smiles back, not much, but a slight curving of her lips, and she hugs him tight. He presses his lips to the side of her face and slowly sets her down.

“You don’t talk about her,” Ashley says. “What did she look like?”

“A lot like you,” he answers as he unlocks the backdoor and helps her buckle up in the new car seat he just bought. “Hey, how about we swing by my place and I’ll show you some pictures? I can tell you about her.” Jensen is surprised by just how much he wants to.

He rubs the back of his neck. “That is, if you want to…?”

This time there is nothing small about Ashley’s smile. “I’d love to hear about your mom.”

Jensen stops off for ice cream before heading to his apartment, surprised when even with thirty-one choices, Ashley still picks the vanilla. Just like Jensen, only he doesn’t add sprinkles to his.

They don’t stay for long at his place, and even Jensen admits that it really doesn’t feel like home anymore. Ashley holds the photo album with care and fills the time with question after question that doesn’t allow Jensen a spare moment to feel any sadness.

It’s about five when they get to Jared’s house; he’s not due back for another hour which Jensen thinks should be enough time to cook dinner.

“Is there anything in particular you want for dinner, Ash?” he asks.

“Mac ‘n cheese! Please.”

“We went out for ice cream, that’s enough for one day. We can go to Noodles over the weekend if your dad agrees.”

She chuckles. “No, silly. I want you to make it. Like you did last time, ‘member? It was so good! I like it better than Noodles.”

“You do? But you love theirs.”

“Yours is better. I can taste the love,” she explains, and Jensen can only shake his head in wonderment.

“All right, then macaroni and cheese it is. It’ll take me some time to make it though. Do you have any homework you need to do?”

“No. Oh wait, Ms. Tal gave us a project on Monday that’s due tomorrow. I’ll go finish it.”

“Okay. I’ll come get you when it’s ready.”

Jensen watches Ashley shuffle away, Icarus not far behind, and busies himself in the kitchen, wondering when he became so domesticated.

Nearly forty-five minutes later, mac and cheese simmering on the stove and chicken baking in the oven, he marches up the stairs.

Ashley has her door half closed and when Jensen peeks in, he sees that she’s sitting at her desk, bent over whatever she’s working on, black crayon in hand, tongue sticking out slightly as she very carefully writes something. Her feet are touching the ground, and Jensen stares for awhile before it clicks that they didn’t before.

He waits until she is no longer writing before knocking softly. “Hey, sweetheart, your dad should be home soon and dinner’s almost ready. Let’s go wash up.”

He walks in, extending an arm for Ashley to grab, when he sees that she was drawing something. “Can I see?” he asks and gestures toward the desk.

Ashley stands, appears shy, like she hasn’t been around Jensen since the day they met, but nods and steps away. “Okay.”

It’s a pretty ordinary child’s drawing, people standing on a thin patch of green, blue background behind them, a bright yellow sun in the upper right corner that’s not quite a perfect circle with rays shooting out of it.

Right under the sun is a very tall man, the word Daddy is written above his shaggy dark brown hair. He’s wearing a pale pink shirt, blue pants, and what Jensen thinks are supposed to be flip-flops. To the left is another man, nearly as tall with short light brown hair and grassy green eyes, the letters over him say Jensen. Between them is a little girl with long blonde hair, eyes the same color as Jensen’s, in a light purple sundress. There’s a small ball of white with four legs by Ashley's feet. Ick.

Ashley’s skills at drawing are far from gifted, but it’s better than the stick figures that he can do, and Jensen can’t stop the rush of emotion flooding him as he studies it. It’s the words on top, written so meticulously, that cause his breath to catch and his heart to jump.

 _My Family_

~~~~

That evening the Mavericks are playing the Spurs, so Jensen stays even after Ashley is sleeping. His team is kicking ass, but this time, he isn’t gloating. Jared seemed like he was in a good mood when he got home, but after Ashley showed him the picture and all through dinner Jared was quiet.

Jensen doesn’t understand why the drawing would upset Jared, if in fact it did. The two of them have really come together during the past month. Sometimes Jensen has a hard time believing just how great they get on with each other.

Jared reminds Jensen not to be so uptight, that’s its okay to let loose and act like a ten-year-old when the occasion fits. He makes Jensen laugh, and not the small chuckle kind but the full out tilting his head back, belly rolling, tears coming down his face kind.

In turn, Jensen reminds Jared that sometimes you have to act with more decorum and that fast food isn’t part of the food pyramid. And Jensen’s also had his fair share of times that he’s had Jared pretty much howling with laughter.

Somewhere along the way Jared has become his best friend, and he’d hoped it’s the same for Jared. But if the drawing had upset him?

He has no chance to dwell on it as they hear some kind of ruckus from upstairs and Jared yells, “Ash, you okay? I’m coming up,” and she replies with, “No. I want Jensen.”

Turns out the kid had a nightmare and simply wants some reassurance. Jensen toes off his shoes and climbs in bed with her, arm going around her, and she pillows her head on his shoulder. He just means to stay until she’s asleep again, but after a couple minutes the lack of sleep catches up with him and next thing he knows, Jared is gently shaking him awake.

Jensen is pretty out of it, still half sleeping as Jared helps him up and half carries him out of Ashley’s room.

“You’re beat, man, you can stay in the guest room.”

“Work,” Jensen mumbles, but lets Jared lead him to room at the end of hall.

“You have an extra suit there, right? You can change into it when you get in.”

“’kay.”

Jared lets go once they’re by the queen bed and Jensen instantly misses him. He watches, eyes half closed, as Jared turns down the bed. Jensen thinks his pants won’t be all that comfortable to lie in and manages to lower the zipper but has trouble undoing the button.

“Here, let me,” Jared says, hands pushing Jensen’s out of the way and quickly popping the button out, assisting with getting the pants fully off and then pushing Jensen towards the bed.

Once he’s flat on his back, Jensen’s muddy mind remembers, and he grabs Jared’s arm as Jared wrestles with the blanket to cover Jensen. “Jared, don’t, don’t be mad, ‘kay? ‘Bout the picture.”

Jared stiffens. “I’m not… I’m not mad, Jensen. Where would you get that idea?”

There’s something in Jared’s eyes that Jensen can’t make out, sadness maybe? That and his downturned mouth has Jensen’s brain clearing of sleepiness.

“No,” he says. “Something’s wrong, you’ve been acting weird since you saw it. Tell me what bothers you about it. It’s because Ashley thinks of me as family, right?” What else could it be?

“Fuck. I– yeah, okay, but it’s more then just some picture she drew.”

Jensen is wide awake now and, in shock, he lets go of Jared’s arm when Jared pulls against the hold. Jared’s shoulders are hunched in, and he looks miserable as Jensen sits up.

“We’ve known you what, five months?” Jared asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. “And she already fucking _adores_ you. Can’t wait to see you. Anytime the three of us are out together you look like the dad, and I’m just some dude and–”

“Woah, woah, woah. Stop right there.” He gets up, moves closer to Jared. Can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You’re jealous. _You’re_ jealous of _me_?” Jensen snorts, choking out a laugh that isn’t funny at all.

Jared’s eyes narrow, and Jensen puts up his hands, palms out.

“There’s no reason for you to be jealous. Ashley may love me, but she worships the ground you walk on. Every time we’re alone it’s always daddy this and daddy that. She told the scooper and cashier at the ice cream shop today that her dad is famous and couldn’t pick her up from school because he was busy signing autographs.”

“Really? She did that?” Jared asks, a little awestruck, hiding his eyes behind his hair.

“Of course. And so what if she and I look somewhat alike? She’s the person she is today because of you. She’s kind, sweet, caring, smart, loyal–” Jensen numbers off each word with his fingers “–because of you. Her love of animals and food, her compassionate and optimistic nature, that’s all you. And don’t get me started on those damn puppy dog eyes of hers.”

“Jensen, I… I. I have no idea what to say.” Jared’s eyes are soft now, blue-green like a tranquil lake.

“You’re her dad, dude. I’m just… like her cool uncle of something.” He turns away.

“You’re more than that,” Jared says and reaches for Jensen’s arm, waiting until Jensen faces him again. “You love her, don’t you?”

“More than anything,” he answers quickly, voice hoarse.

Jared nods and then straightens to his full height as if he’s steeling himself for something. “And you want to be a father to her.”

Jensen looks down, shuffles his feet and gasps softly when he feels Jared’s fingers at his chin, lifting his head up until their eyes are locked. “Yes,” he whispers, wanting that with all his heart. “I want to be a part of her life, watch her grow up. Wanna be her dad.”

Jared’s hand drops and he steps back, nodding despairingly. “I knew this day was coming, but still, no way to prepare for it or…”

“What are you talking about?”

Jared huffs. “You just said you wanted to be her dad. Am I supposed to be happy that you want to take her away from me?”

What? Who said anything… oh. “Jared. No, man, no. I meant what I said earlier, I don’t want to go to court, put her through a custody battle. And now, come on, I won’t ever take her away from you. You’re her _dad_.”

“But you just said…” Jared’s eyebrows furrow.

“I meant like both of us being her dads. Kind of like the way things are now, only,” Jensen says and pauses, knows his cheeks are probably flushing, “was maybe hoping she would call me daddy too.”

There’s no immediate reaction out of Jared, Jensen thinks the big man must be thinking things over. “So you don’t want to sue for custody?”

“No, I’ll never take her away from you. I swear, Jared. I shredded that file on you a long time ago, anyway,” he tries to joke.

“I’ll never take her away from you either,” Jared admits. “And I never went back to see Katie.”

“That’s… good. That’s good, right? I mean, how we’re both, uh…”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Jared says and he’s smiling. “We should tell her, maybe, that you’re her biological father. If you want?”

“I’d like that,” he replies and smiles back. “When?”

“Umm… after school tomorrow? That way she’ll have the weekend to process and ask any questions.”

Jensen nods. Tomorrow, wow, that’s awfully close. “Okay, so tomorrow. Good, no great. I’ll, er, it’s getting late, should probably hit the sack.”

They both look at the bed and Jared rubs the back of his neck. “Right, I’ll go. Only, did you mean it? About keeping things the way they are now?”

“Yes, why?”

“Nothing. Just thought maybe you– nothing.”

“You don’t like the way things are now?” Jensen asks.

“No, I mean, yes. Yes, I do. Things are good.”

“Yeah, they are,” he agrees and unconsciously takes a step closer to Jared. “Almost kind of perfect how things worked out, with Ashley and us.”

“Us?” Jared says and Jensen realizes just how close they are now, practically breathing the same air. It’s quiet too, nothing but the sound of their chests expanding and contracting and the loud thumping of Jensen’s heart. When did that happen?

“I mean how well we get on. Don’t,” he stops to lick his lips, feeling that little thrill that shoots through him whenever Jared is standing so close. “Don’t you think we get on well?”

“Yeah,” Jared says, but Jensen doesn’t think Jared really heard his question, too focused on watching Jensen’s mouth, and then Jensen stops thinking, tilts his head up, and—

There’s a loud crash downstairs, followed by an even louder half yap, half bark and Jensen curses the day he ever got Icarus.

~~~~

He’s anxious all day, partly excited and partly terrified about what Ashley’s reaction is going to be. He really hopes that the news makes her happy, that she wants Jensen to be her dad as much as he wants to be a dad to her.

Friday’s are short days for him, thankfully, and he’s out by four and stops at Safeway, picking up some whole grain tortillas and everything else he needs to make bean and cheese enchiladas and brown rice.

Jared had given Jensen the second garage door opener awhile ago, so Jensen parks the Impala on the right side (like always), noting that Jared’s car is gone. He finds a note on the fridge, when he’s carrying in the grocery bags, telling him that they went to the dog park.

Jensen’s only just popping the enchiladas in the oven when they come back, Icarus immediately bounding over to Jensen and jumping until Jensen picks him and gives him some hugs and kisses.

He gets nervous all over again when he spots Ashley. He doesn’t know what to say during dinner. Jared also seems on edge, but still tucks into the food. Ashley’s the same, shoveling forkful after forkful into her mouth in between recounts of what she did during the day.

“Hey, Ashley,” Jared says when he finishes washing the dishes and joins her and Jensen in the family room. “Me and Jensen want to talk to you about something very important. Well, actually we want to tell you something.”

“Okay!” she says, focusing her attention away from the TV, and Jensen shuts it off. “What do ya want to tell me?”

Her eyes are looking at both of them, and Jared turns to Jensen with a kind of helpless expression, and Jensen only wipes his palms against his jeans.

“You know that you’re adopted, right, how I’m not your birth father?” Jared asks, and Ashley nods. “And well, what I mean is– I love you very much, with all my heart, and I’ll always be your daddy, but Jensen, well, Jensen is…”

By now Ashley’s eyes have grown big in apprehension, she’s biting her lower lip, and Jensen fears that the only thing Jared is accomplishing is scaring the poor girl.

“What your daddy is trying to say is that I’m your birth father,” Jensen blurts out and prepares for the worst as he hears Jared gasp.

It’s silent for a beat, two, then: “That’s what you wanted to tell me?” At their anxious nods, she shrugs. “But I already know that. You both are sillyheads.”

“You knew?”

“How did–”

They both speak at the same time, and Ashley answers, glancing at Jared, “Well, we kinda look alike, and we both love baseball and cooking and Ick, and you never let me meet any of your grown-up friends, Daddy, but you did with Jensen and–” she turns toward Jensen “–I knew for sure when you showed me the pictures of your mommy. Her baby pictures look exactly like mine. Only mine are in color.”

Jensen’s pretty sure his mouth has to be hanging wide open enough to hit the floor, and then Jared does a choking chuckle thing that quickly turns into hysterical laughter, and Ashley just sits there, smiling and preening a little, as if she is quite pleased with herself.

Once Jared quiets down, he takes his place on the left side of the couch and pulls Ashley into a big hug. “Why didn’t you say anything if you knew?”

“Can’t breathe, Daddy,” she says and waits for Jared to loosen his hold, before reaching for Jensen and pulling him closer until she is snuggled up between them. “Because you told me that you were my daddy and that my birth daddy don’t matter.”

The smile that appears on Jared’s face is almost brighter than the sun, dimples out full force.

“’cept,” Ashley says, taking Jensen’s hand and looking up nervously at him. “I don’t wanna call you Jensen anymore.”

Jensen swallows against the huge lump in his throat, thinks there’s one to match in his chest, and his voice comes out thicker when he says, “Then what do you want to call me?”

“Well, I already has a daddy, but maybe you can be my… papa?” Her voice is tiny, as if she’s afraid Jensen will say no.

The kid must be as silly as her two daddies.

“I’d love that, sweetheart,” Jensen answers with a soft smile. 

+++++

With Jensen’s permission to call him papa, Ashley uses it repeatedly. Anytime Jensen is over, she says it in nearly every third sentence that she addresses to him. She loves saying it, and, judging by the warm look that comes over Jensen’s face, he loves hearing it.

Not that Jared faults him, or either of them. He, himself, feels a sense of _right_ each time he hears it, each time the three of them are together. He feels no jealously over it. How can he, when Ashley still calls _him_ daddy, still cuddles against him most times during movie nights, still asks him to brush her hair in the morning and begs him to play with her after dinner?

He may have felt threatened by Jensen before, but not anymore. There’s no doubt in his mind that Jensen would ever take Ashley away from him.

Nowadays, having Jensen around means added security and support. He doesn’t feel like a single parent anymore. And while five months ago that thought would have had him up in arms, now, he relishes it.

Things are nearly perfect, would be perfect, except for one thing...

 

 **Part Five**

 

Thanksgiving Day is a quiet one, after making his rounds in the morning, Jensen pretty much spends the rest of the day in his office. It’s a great time to catch up on paperwork that he’s been unable to get to for weeks now.

He leaves the hospital at five, right on the dot. Since it’s just him and Icarus tonight, there’s no reason to cook a whole turkey, so Jensen bakes a pair of turkey legs, one for each of them. As expected, Icarus inhales the meat in moments, while Jensen is slower. Taking measured bites to really enjoy the leg with _real_ mashed potatoes, not the boxed kind or yams, but full on Idaho potatoes with tons of butter.

This day is all about being gluttonous, right?

Jared calls, puts Ashley on the line, and Jensen is subjected to nearly half an hour of her describing the day’s events and everything she ate, before she yawns and hands the phone back to Jared with a soft “’Night, Papa”.

It’s the highlight of Jensen’s day.

Friday is better; there’s an actual clinic, but it’s a light one, so the majority of his day is still spent in his office, clicking and typing, but it goes by quicker.

Saturday is spent at the gym, then a few hours working in his home office before spending the rest of the time with Icarus – a long walk followed by an evening in front of the TV.

Jensen feels like he pretty much spent all three days waiting for Sunday to roll around. He could have sworn he never felt lonely before he met Ashley and Jared, but for the life of him, he can’t remember what he filled his days with besides work back then.

He sees them as soon as he pulls up to passenger pick-up at the airport, and he’s barely out of the car when about fifty pounds of little girl is barreling towards him. Jensen barely has enough time to reach his hands out and lift before she is plastered to him.

“Oh, I missed you so much!”

“Can’t breathe,” he chokes out, and her little arms immediately loosen their near strangulation hold around his neck.

“Sorry, I just missed you so much,” she apologies and buries her face in his neck.

“Its okay, Ash, I missed you too.” He tightens his hold and turns his head until his nose is in her hair and inhales. Nothing in this world smells as good as Ashley – it’s like summer, all sunshine and flowers.

“I love you, Papa,” she says right when Jared comes to Jensen’s other side, pulling them both into his big arms.

“Hey, man,” he greets with a wide smile. “It’s good to see you.”

Jensen can only nod, overwhelmed by having them both so near, both their scents mixing together in the air and surrounding him, Ashley at his right side, Jared at his left, his world narrowed down to just the two of them.

He never wants to let go.

~~~~

“Okay,” Jared says with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he joins Jensen on the couch in the family room, small white envelope in one hand. “Shorty is out cold, let’s do this.”

“She wrote that letter to Santa,” Jensen reminds him, and when Jared tears it open anyway, he can only shake his head, whether it’s with disapproval or fondness, he isn’t sure.

Jared reaches for a few gummy bears from the bowl on the coffee table. He throws one at Jensen, and Jensen knows he’s surprised him when he catches it in his mouth. Jensen would smirk, but he’s too busy chewing the fruity goodness. Ever since Jared learned of Jensen’s gummy weakness, there always seems to be some in the house. Jensen would complain (all the sugar) but it’s gummy bears. 'Nough said.

He watches for a short time as Jared munches on the candy bears but grows impatient. “Dude, come on.” He moves to grab the letter, but Jared extends one freakish long arm away and Jensen follows, the personal space bubble broken as he ends up half in Jared’s lap, both of them not thinking anything of it. It’s nothing new, and he wonders if the concept of personal space ever really existed between them.

“Together?” Jared suggests with a smile, and Jensen nods, sitting back down, side pressed against Jared’s.

Jared unfolds the letter.

 _Dear Santa,_

 _Last year I ask for a pony and I did not get one but I got the best present this year. You gave me a Jensen. Thank you very much!! I love him lots and lots!!!_

 _I no you dont give presents to growups but maybe you can this once, for my daddy? His been sad a lot this year, I think he trys to hide it but I see. Mayde you can give him a Jensen to. Or a puppy. Daddy wood love a puppy!_

 _Love,  
Ashley_

“Jared,” he says as soon as he finishes reading, but isn’t sure what else to say.

“The kid really loves you,” Jared says, looking straight ahead.

“And I love her.” He brings a hand up to Jared’s face, coaxing Jared to turn his head, face Jensen. “Is that true, about you being sad? Is it my fault?”

“Jensen, I…” Jared shifts in his seat. “Maybe? I wasn’t sure what you wanted at first, but from the day you met Ashley I could see a connection forming, like gravity pulling you two together. You’re her birth father, have every right to her, and you two are so darn good together, I got scared. Terrified, actually. That you would take her away, and I guess Ash must have picked up on that.”

“I would never–”

“I know,” Jared is quick to say. “I know that now, and everything is good.” At Jensen’s disbelieving look, Jared adds, “I promise, Jensen, things are good.”

They’re silent for a minute, both men absorbed in their own thoughts, and (as usual) Jared is the one to break it.

“So, this doesn’t really help Santa to know what to get her.” He waves the letter in his hand.

Jensen reaches to take the letter. “Of course it does, Santa is going to bring the two of you a puppy.”

Jared’s face is blank for a moment and then it’s grinning from ear to ear. “Is that right?” he asks, and Jensen has to suppress a shiver, the combination of dimples and Texas twang doing all kinds of things to his insides.

“Uh-huh,” he says, trying not to think about how good Jared would look riding him, but not having much success. “Yeah, so, what was I…? Oh, right. We should get another dog, something bigger this time though.”

“But Ashley?”

“She’s better now. Last time we went to the dog park she spent some time playing with a German Shepherd and she gets on pretty well with that black lab. I’m pretty sure that if we get a puppy she’ll be okay when it gets big.”

“Sounds like you got it all figured it then, Mr. Claus.” Jared’s eyes are twinkling. “Guess I’ll pass on the joy of wearing the red suit and padding to you this year. Oh, and the beard of course.”

“You fucker,” he says, eyes narrowing, and Jared bursts out laughing. “Here I was going to let you pick out the dog when we go to the shelter. Fat chance now.”

Jared’s still chuckling, smile playing on his face. “Oh, you’re gonna let me pick out the dog _and_ you’re gonna wear the suit. Don’t lie, Jensen, we both know you are.”

He shrugs. “Maybe.”

Jared only laughs harder, the stupidhead. And, nice, apparently Jensen’s vocabulary has decreased to that of a six-year-old.

“Hey,” Jared says when he finishes his cackling and knocks his shoulder against Jensen’s. “Another dog is a great idea and, well, you know you don’t have the wear the costume if you don’t want to, right?”

“Don’t be an idiot; of course I wanna wear it.” He smiles softly and knocks his shoulder back.

“Good. And since we’re talking about Christmas, I guess this would be the right time to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“I’ve been trying to reach your dad,” Jared says, and Jensen freezes, smile disappearing. “I was hoping he could spend Christmas here, wanted to surprise you.”

Oh god. “Please tell me he is not coming.”

“He’s not,” Jared replies, and Jensen remembers to breathe. “That’s why I’m telling you. He won’t return any of my calls. What’s up, man? You went white as a ghost as soon as I mentioned him possibly coming here.”

There’s clear concern on Jared’s face, and Jensen looks down, surprised to find Jared’s hand on his knee. When did he put it there?

“My dad and I don’t really get along,” Jensen says, hoping that will be the end of it.

“Jensen, you don’t have to tell me, but if you ever do want to talk, I’m here. I’ll always be here, for you.” There’s a gentleness to Jared’s voice, his hand softly squeezing Jensen’s knee, his eyes looking into Jensen’s with caring, and Jensen feels something inside of him shatter, like a dam breaking.

“I haven’t seen or spoken to my dad in over fifteen years. Not since he kicked me out.”

Jared gasps. “That’s aw–”

“Please don’t say anything until I finish?” _Or I won’t be able to finish._

Jared nods.

“It was just me and my mom growing up, my dad was always working. I didn’t really care; my mama gave me everything I could ever need. I loved her so much. I was right around nine when she got sick, and I kinda lost it. I begged to stay at the hospital with her, refused to go to school or eat until they would let me. Even when she was home, I never let her out of my sight. Up until then my dad and me had never really fought.”

He takes a deep breath, staring at the wall ahead, blocking everything out.

“He told me I was being too clingy, not letting her rest, and I screamed that he was always at work and didn’t give a crap whether she lived or died. That he wasn’t doing enough, should be getting every doctor in the country to help her. When they added her to the transplant list, I overheard them saying it would be difficult to find a match for her. So, I researched and found out there was talk of live-donor liver transplants. I begged them to take half of my liver, but no one listened. I reckoned it was because I was just a kid, so I called my aunt, turned out she was a match. No hospital would do the surgery, though, too scared something would go wrong. We went to my dad. I _knew_ he had more than enough money to get a surgeon to do it, off the books kind of thing.”

Jensen looks at Jared, eyes watering. “He said no, too worried he’d get caught. What kind of man is more concerned about his reputation than saving his wife’s life?”

“I don’t know.” Jared gently swipes his thumb underneath one of Jensen’s eyes, wiping away the wetness. “I am so sorry, Jensen.”

He swallows thickly. “After she died, I barely spoke to him, couldn’t even stand to look at him. And when a few months later I heard on the news that the first living donor transplant was done, a mother donating to her child, and that it was successful, I flat out stopped talking to him.”

Jared brings an arm around Jensen. “I wish I knew what to say.”

“Just listening is good,” Jensen whispers.

“Then I’ll listen.”

Jensen lays his head on Jared shoulder, feels Jared’s arm tighten its hold. “We didn’t talk for over four years. Not until I was sixteen, and he came home early one day to find me blowing the quarterback in the living room.”

Jared chokes, the motion causing Jensen’s head to sway forward, then says, “I take it he didn’t react well?”

“That’s putting it mildly,” he answers with a snort. “Told me no son of his was a fag and kicked me out.”

“What the hell?” Jared erupts, dislodging Jensen and turning to face him. “How could he? You were only sixteen. Shit. What did you do?”

“What was I supposed to do? I tried explaining to him that I still liked girls, but he wouldn’t listen, barely gave me any time to pack a couple bags and take some pictures of my mom before throwing me out.”

“Where did you go?”

“Nowhere. It was two months before graduation, I couldn’t exactly go anywhere. So, I stayed in the Impala.”

Jared’s mouth drops. “You lived in your car?! Wasn’t there anyone, your aunt or…”

“My aunt lived in Florida. I didn’t have any other family, well not really, cousins and stuff, but no one I really knew. And like I said, I was graduating soon. It wasn’t bad,” he lies. Those two months had fucking sucked. The Impala may be big, but not enough so that Jensen could sleep comfortably night after night, and he was hungry a lot of the time.

His dad had emptied out Jensen’s checking account and cancelled his credit cards. Jensen was just thankful that his father hadn’t remembered that he had paid for a full year’s lunches.

“What about your friends?”

“Come on, Jared. I went to a snotty private school in Texas. I wasn’t going to admit to any of those fuckers I got kicked out because I was gay– bi, whatever. They would have made my life hell or put me in a hospital.”

Jared pulls Jensen into his arms. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. And for the record, your dad is a dick.”

He goes boneless against Jared, chin resting on Jared’s shoulder, and feels like a huge weight has been lifted. The words just pour out of him. “I wanted to hate him, for what happened with Mama and being a crappy father, but I couldn’t. He’s still my dad, and I wanted–” Jensen makes a choking noise, vision blurring with unshed tears, but pushes forward. “I wanted him to love me. Why couldn’t he… how bad of a person must I be that my own father doesn’t love me?”

“Oh god, Jensen, no no no.” Jared’s whole body tightens, hands moving to bring Jensen’s head up until they’re facing each other. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are one of the most caring people I know.”

“Yeah right, I know I’m an asshole.”

“No! The problem is with your dad, not you. _You_ are a good man, Jensen Ackles.” Jared moves his palms down, over Jensen’s back, and pulls their bodies together, hugging Jensen tight.

“I was so mad at him,” Jensen says into the curve of Jared’s neck. “But every night I slept in the Impala, I wanted to be home.” And every night from his mama dying until he went to college he wanted his dad to hug him, just once, have him hold Jensen just like Jared is doing right now and tell him everything would be okay.

Jared cards his fingers through Jensen’s hair, and when Jensen can’t control a sniffle, Jared kisses the tip of his ear.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” Jared assures, holding Jensen securely in his arms. “I gotcha.”

~~~~

“Okay, Mr. Ladon, don’t forget to stop by the pharmacy before you leave today, and I’ll see you in a month,” Jensen instructs as he opens the exam room door.

“I can schedule that visit now? I don’t have to call?”

“Yes, you can do that at the front desk. Just down the hallway and through the door.” Jensen points to it.

“Thank you, Dr. Ackles.”

“Anytime,” Jensen replies and watches as his patient walks out, then he turns and nearly bumps into Jeff.

“I need to speak with you,” Jeff says, tugging on Jensen’s arm.

“I have a patient waiting,” Jensen says. He’s been avoiding Jeff for the last couple of weeks, and it looks like Jeff has had enough.

“This will only take a minute,” he insists and pulls Jensen into an unused exam room, letting go of Jensen’s arm to close the door.

“You want an answer,” Jensen murmurs quietly, more to himself than Jeff.

“You’re looking better these days. More rested. I take that to mean you’ve made up your mind?”

Jensen nods.

“Well, come on, which one is it?”

Jensen looks away for a minute. Jeff has been his biggest supporter here since Jensen was flown in for an interview while finishing up his fellowship in San Francisco. He doesn’t want to ruin that, his job will always be very important to him, and he still desperately wants that medical director of liver transplant position if and when it becomes available.

But this is pretty much a no brainer.

“Family, Jeff. I choose my family.”

Jeff is quiet for a long moment, his face unreadable. Then he smiles and pats Jensen on the shoulder. “That a boy.”

~~~~

“You want to tell me again why I let your sorry ass drag me to the mall with Christmas only like a week away?” Danneel whines as they finally get through the throng of people trying to get into Macy’s as they try to exit.

Jensen hopes the fresh air will calm Danni down, he knows he’s probably pissing her off with having spent the last two hours dragging her from store to store after a grueling day at work, but he wants Jared’s gift to be perfect.

“You’re not any closer to figuring out what to get Jared, are you?” she asks.

“No.” Jensen slumps. “Why can’t he be more like Ashley?” His girl had made it quite clear to anyone that would listen that she wants a FurReal Friends Pony and both the Justin Bieber Singing Dolls for Christmas. Of course, when he and Jared had gone shopping earlier in the week together they had picked out a few other things too – Jared a couple of children’s books and Jensen a new LeapFrog game.

“Because he’s not a six-year-old,” Danneel says as they head downstairs. “Look, the best present is something that a person really wants or needs but would never buy for themselves. So, come on, you’ve known the guy for months now.”

“Dude really needs a new car,” he replies. “But I don’t think he’d appreciate me buying him one.”

“No,” she agrees as they arrive on the first floor, and she leads him away from the main walkways. “He’d be pissed you spent that kind of money. Besides, you’re one to talk, your car is older than everyone’s.”

“My car is a classic,” he defends, affronted on the Impala’s behalf. He’d never trade in or get rid of her. In fact, he’s been contemplating passing it on to Ashley when she turns sixteen, a little bit of a family tradition. Maybe. Jensen loves his car something fierce and isn’t keen on giving her up anytime soon.

“Then what else? There has to be something. Come on, Jensen, I don’t think my feet can take much more walking.”

Jensen wants to tell her that that’s what she gets for wearing four inch heels to the mall, but thinks she’ll probably stab him with them if he does, so he keeps his mouth shut.

“The guy is a writer, right?” she asks, but doesn’t wait for Jensen to answer. “How about books?”

“He has a whole bedroom wall covered with books and boxes more of them down in the basement. Pretty sure whatever I buy he has.”

“Jewelry?”

“Men don’t wear jewelry, and they sure as heck don’t buy it for each other.”

“Oh, and I suppose all those things around your wrist aren’t bracelets then?”

“… shut up,” he says when he can’t think of a better comeback, and Danni chuckles. “Oh, wait! A watch. Jared can definitely use a new watch.” The one he has now is nearly falling apart.

“Perfect.” She smiles. “There’s a Rolex and Ben Bridge’s just ahead and a Tiffany’s right back upstairs.”

He stares at her for a long moment. “Tell me you do not have the layout of Fashion Valley memorized?”

“Don’t be stupid, of course I do. Now, come on.” She grabs Jensen’s arm and leads him across the mall. “We’ll start at Ben Bridge, Rolex is a little too cliché, don’t you think? And Ben’s has these gorgeous tanzanite and diamond earrings I’ve been eyeing for awhile. You can get me them for my present.”

“But I already got your pre–”

“Then as a gift for all the help I’ve given you today.”

Jensen sighs, knows when he’s been defeated, and takes solace in the fact that every store is having a holiday sale and the earrings Danneel wants are down one hundred dollars to two fifty.

After the watch and earrings are bought, they decide to grab a quick dinner at the food court, Jensen following as Danneel leads the way. It’s about an hour before closing and the crowd has finally lessened.

“I can’t believe you just blew nearly seven hundred bucks on Jared,” Danneel says as they head back towards the escalator. “You, Mr. Thirty dollar gas card man.”

Jensen nearly misses the step to get on the escalator. How did she?

Danneel laughs and hooks her arm through his so they get on together. “Don’t look so surprised. It was either a gas card or an Amazon one. You’re too predictable, Jensen. Besides, this way I get the gas card for helping you today and the earrings as my actual present,” she adds with a self-satisfied grin.

“What’s wrong with a gas card? Everyone needs gas,” he mumbles, absolutely not pouting.

She only laughs harder, keeps their arms attached as they reach the top, and directs them towards what Jensen assumes will be the food court. “That’s my point. You always just buy a gift card, but not for Jared. You wanted something special for him. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

Jensen shrugs. “That I wanted to get something nice for the man that adopted my daughter? I don’t think there’s anything strange about that.”

“There isn’t,” she says, then stops suddenly, halting Jensen as well, and glances at him. “Oh my god, you have no idea, do you?”

He blinks. “What?”

“You really don’t… Oh, Jensen, I always knew you were oblivious, but not _this_ much.”

What is she talking about? He can’t place the expression on her face, maybe sadness or… pity? “Danni–”

“Come on.” She leads him towards the railing, away from the main walkway. “When was the last time you slept with someone?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Just answer the question. When did you last have sex?”

“Umm…” He isn’t sure. “Oh. The night of the hospital fundraiser.”

She gasps. “The one back in June?!”

“I guess. What’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big…? This is _you_ we are talking about here, you manwhore. When was the last time you went over six months without sleeping with anyone? College? Oh, and what about Petra Runeberg? She was all over you at ASLD.”

“She wasn’t– was she?”

“Like white on rice.”

“Huh. I didn’t notice.” Jensen still isn’t seeing what the big deal is or why Danneel is even bringing this up. “I guess I don’t think of her like that.”

“Christ, Jensen, do you even hear yourself?” Danneel throws her hands up. “She is exactly your type. Tall, gorgeous, breasts almost as awesome as mine. You should have been all over her, but you weren’t. You haven’t slept with anyone since you met Jared. You spent the whole evening dragging my ass across a busy mall so you could find the perfect gift for him. Does this seriously tell you nothing?”

At his blank look, Danneel sighs and says, “You’re in love with him, dumbass.”

“What? No, I’m–” Oh. Oh wow.

Jesus, he _is_ a moron.

“Fuck me,” he whispers, but isn’t sure if any sound actually comes out. “I’m in love with Jared.”

Jensen thinks Danneel says something, but he isn’t listening to her. He’s in love with Jared, and ain’t that something? One side of his mouth goes up and then a second later it all comes crashing down.

“Oh god, Danni, what do I do now?” He’s never been in love, never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a few months, and even then it hadn’t been serious. Jensen doesn’t _do_ relationships, he doesn’t know the first thing–

“All right, princess, calm down,” she says. “It’s not rocket science. You tell him.”

Jensen widens his eyes. “I can’t. I mean, I guess. But then… I– then what?”

“What do you mean ‘then what’?”

“ _Danneel_ ,” he pleads.

“Okay, okay. Then you two get married, or civil unioned, or whatever it’s called, buy a huge house to fit all the babies you guys are going to adopt and be so ridiculously happy together that it makes me physically ill.”

Huh. That actually doesn’t sound half bad.

“Do you think,” he starts to say, but stops, looks down and rubs the back of his neck. “Do you think Jared would like something like that?”

“Oh, honey, forget dumbass, you are the most oblivious man on the planet.”

His eyes narrow. “Not helping, Danni.”

“Then think about it like this: what are the chances that the man who adopted your daughter ends up living ten miles away from you?”

“It’s closer to eight actually,” he corrects.

“See? Doesn’t the whole thing strike you as odd, like fate?”

“Fate?” Jensen’s never given it much thought, but he supposes it is a little strange that they would end up living in the same city. But still… fate? “I don’t know.”

“Well, I do.” She pokes him in the chest. “God, the whole thing is so sickeningly romantic that I could just vomit.”

Jensen makes a face. “Please don’t.”

“I make no promises.”

“So, you think maybe Jared might love me too?” he asks, returning to his earlier worries and doubts.

“God, you’re slow,” she mutters under her breath. “Yes, Jensen. I saw the two of you at the holiday party, and I’m telling you, that boy is head over heels.”

Jensen grins.

“Damned if I know why though.”

~~~~

Today is the perfect day to tell Jared. Jensen’s taken a personal day from work (something he’s never done before), Ashley is at a friends house, and he and Jared are pretty much going to spend the day together. Yup, today is definitely the perfect day.

Only Jensen’s mouth doesn’t seem to want to cooperate.

They spend the morning – late morning, more like, as Jensen had quite happily slept in – at the animal shelter. Almost immediately, Jared is drawn toward a cage with a beautiful seven-month-old German Shepherd mix, big pointy ears and all. Her name plate reads _Sadie_ , and as Jared picks her up Jensen hears him whisper something about “sexy Sadie making a fool of everyone.”

Jared falls in love with her, and she falls in love with Jensen.

He laughs when the dog settles herself in his arms, refuses to move even with Jared coaxing her, and Jared pouts. Jensen takes her out to the yard, tosses a ball with her a few times, and when he is sure she’s the one, he looks up, expecting to see Jared, but he isn’t there.

Jensen spots him on the other side of the yard, mucking it up with a smallish dog that Jensen doesn’t recall seeing when they were inside. He walks over to them, Sadie hot on his heels, and sees that the small dog is actually one heck of a giant puppy.

The pup is yapping loudly, ears as floppy as Jared’s hair, tail going a million miles an hour, as he runs circles around Jared, and Jared’s booming laugh echoes through the air.

“Jared?”

“Hey, Jensen!” He picks up the dog, grabbing a paw and waving. “This is Harley. He’s only three-months-old but already house broken. Great, huh?”

Jensen can only nod, what else is he supposed to do when Jared’s got his dimples out full force?

Harley’s paws are huge, there’s no doubt he’s going to grow up to be a big boy, clumsy too, judging by the way he was playing with Jared earlier. And loud. So, really, he’s a perfect match for Jared.

Jensen looks down, Sadie is at his side, sitting quietly and looking up at him with her perfect chocolate-brown big eyes, and Jensen knows he’s a goner. Even if Jared doesn’t feel the same way, Jensen still has to move. Sadie is already a good size and she’s only going to get bigger, his apartment is no place for her.

“So, I guess you’ll be getting Harley?”

“Yep. You don’t mind getting two dogs, right?” Jared asks, and Jensen quickly looks at him, furrowing his brows. “Dude. No way am I picking between that lovely lady and this adorable mutt. We’re getting both.”

Jensen didn’t think it possible, but he falls a little more in love with Jared.

The shelter isn’t too keen when they ask them to hold the dogs for three more days, until Christmas Eve, but when Jensen gives them a check for all the fine work they do, they quickly change their tune.

Jensen thinks to tell Jared during the drive back to Jared’s house, but then Jared calls Sandy, asks if she wouldn’t mind watching two pups on Christmas Eve so they can surprise Ashley, and sometime during her yes, Jensen decides he’ll talk to Jared once they’re home.

Only he doesn’t.

It’s barely a minute after they get in from the garage that the realization that Jared’s parents are going to be here _tomorrow_ sinks in, and Jensen maybe goes a little crazy. Parents like clean houses, right? He remembers his mama always frowning whenever Jensen didn’t put his toys away or left dirty clothes on the floor. So, Jensen gives Jared the main floor and hauls ass upstairs, scrubbing bathrooms and dusting every surface, paying particular attention to the guest room. He makes the bed with what his idea of military precision is, until you could bounce a quarter off the damn thing.

He vacuums every inch of the upstairs, then takes off the attachment and does the actual stairs. He notices then that some paint on the railing is chipping and is about to get the paint can from the basement closet when Jared stops him.

“Pretty sure my folks won’t care about some chipping paint, but if you really want to touch it up then it can wait until after lunch. Come on, I have everything all ready for us in the kitchen.”

Jensen frowns, Jared and kitchen are two words that don’t go together. He moves with trepidation, praying that Jared didn’t mess up the kitchen so bad that it would take longer than a day to clean. Miraculously, the kitchen is clean, and, more importantly, odorless. He knows the reason why as soon as he sees the table and can’t stop a smile.

There are two plates with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on them, a cup of ice water next to one plate and a bottle of Mountain Dew with the other, there’s another plate in the middle filled with orange slices and strawberries.

He means to tell Jared while they eat, but he ends up asking Jared to tell him about his family, and by the time lunch is over, Jensen has learned more about the Padalecki’s than he’d ever want to know.

Since Jared made lunch, Jensen offers to do the dishes. It’s only three plates after all, and he is determined that once he’s finished he’s going to talk with Jared.

Only Jared beats him to it.

+++++

When Jared gets back from retrieving the can of paint, Jensen is just shutting off the water. Jared fights down the urge to step up behind Jensen and hug him. He’s been fighting off a lot of urges regarding Jensen lately.

He watches as Jensen dries his hands before using the towel on the wet dishes, the task so ordinary and mundane, he’s seen Jensen do it what must be dozens of times by now, but this time Jared blurts out, “Move in.”

Jensen freezes, eyes darting to Jared’s. “Excuse me?”

“I want you to move in, I mean, if you do.” He sets the paint down on the linoleum floor and walks a few steps closer to Jensen. “You pretty much live here anyway, and Ashley would love it.”

“Move in,” Jensen echoes, expression giving nothing away. “With you?”

“Yeah, and Ash, the dogs,” he adds. “I’ve been thinking about it, and we could finish the basement. There’s plenty of room down there for a bedroom and an office, plus, it already has a rough-in for a bathroom. It’ll be perfect.”

Jared doesn’t understand why Jensen is frowning now. Doesn’t he want to live with them?

“What about your gym equipment and books?”

“I can put my gym stuff in the garage and buy another bookcase or something,” Jared answers and tries to smile. He’d been hoping that Jensen would be happy with the idea of moving in. “What d’ya think?”

Jensen looks away, putting down the plate and towel. “I don’t want to live in your basement.”

“Then where…? The third bedroom is too small for you, I would think.”

“It is,” Jensen agrees, back still turned to Jared. He squares his shoulders, and Jared can hear him take a deep breath, as if he is preparing himself for something, and then Jensen turns, looks at Jared. “I want to be in the master, with you.”

He blinks. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“With you, Jared. I wanna be with you.” Jensen moves closer. “I want to kiss Ashley every night and you every morning, want all of us to have breakfast together, have fights about whose turn it is to take out the trash or do the laundry and who gets to watch the big TV. I want the three of us to be a real family.”

Jared’s stunned. “Jensen, I…”

“I want to fall asleep with you, wake up with you in my arms or me in yours.” Jensen takes another step closer, licks those sinfully full lips of his. “Want you to pound me into the mattress.”

“Oh god,” Jared groans, heart racing.

“Do you–" Jensen clears his throat, eyes looking away, and Jared gets a good look at those long eyelashes. “Do you want me too?” he asks softly.

Jared thinks there isn’t a person with a pulse that wouldn’t want Jensen. “Yeah, of course I do, but, Jensen, we can’t.”

Jensen glances at him sharply. “Why?”

“Because it could ruin everything,” he answers and has to take a few steps back, away from Jensen, so he can think properly, with his brain and not his dick, that wants nothing more than to take Jensen up on his offer and nail him right here on the kitchen table.

“You’re my best friend, Jen, the birth father to my daughter, if it doesn’t work out then it’s more than the friendship ruined. Ashley, she– it could damage her.”

“And if it does work out?” Jensen asks, moving to regain their closeness, placing a hand over Jared’s heart. “It could _be_ everything.”

“Jensen,” he breathes.

“You, me, and Ash. Come on, say yes.” Jensen is standing so close to him, bright green eyes pleading with Jared. “Want you so bad, want this so bad. I’ll be a good dad to her, I promise. And you, I’ll be so good to you.”

Jensen takes Jared’s hands and places them on his hips, gets up on his toes to nip at Jared’s chin, kissing a path towards Jared’s ear and whispers, “Let you do everything to me, anything you want.”

Jared moans and inhales deeply, Jensen’s scent all around him, his palms inching to grab a fistful of Jensen’s ass. “If this doesn’t work out,” he says weakly.

Jensen pulls his head away until they’re looking at each other, his hands on Jared’s chest. “I can’t promise you that it will, but I do know that I have never wanted anyone like I want you. You’re it for me, Jare.”

“ _Christ_.” Jared has to close his eyes for a second, feels Jensen nuzzle their checks together, and opens his eyes again. “You’re it for me too.”

“Then say yes.”

“Yes,” he whispers and is gifted with one of Jensen’s dazzling smiles.

“Then there’s only one thing left to do, big man.”

“And what would that be?” he asks as Jensen’s grin widens, and he grabs a fistful of Jared’s shirt, pulling him down.

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

Jared is only too happy to oblige.

 

 **Epilogue**

 

Jensen is sluggish as he gets out of the Impala, it’s been a long day, and he’s reminded again why he hates Septembers so much. Clinic had run long, finally managing to finish up with just barely enough time for him to head across town to his dinner talk on better ways to test for early stage liver disease.

He doesn’t bother stifling a yawn as he opens the door and toes off his shoes, leaving them on the small rug next to the dryer. It’s late, well past Ashley’s bedtime, and the house is quiet.

He thinks maybe Jared has gone to bed too, they both had a rough time last night with Jared getting a migraine, although he had sounded better the couple of times they had talked on the phone earlier today.

He makes sure the door is locked, the lights off everywhere but the kitchen, before grabbing a beer from the fridge. He takes a big swig, letting the liquid slide down his throat and ease some of the day’s stress. He’s craning his neck from side to side when he spots a lone envelope on the kitchen table.

Jensen stares at the return address, hands shaking as he reaches for it. Inside is just one piece of paper. Jensen doesn’t know why, but he was expecting something more. It doesn’t matter though, the single court approved letter means the world to him.

“Well?” Jared asks as he slides up beside Jensen, arm slipping around Jensen’s waist.

Jensen startles, not having heard Jared come downstairs, too focused on reading the document. He looks up at Jared with wetness in his eyes and a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah,” is the only thing he manages to rasp out before Jared is wrapping those long arms around him.

“Congratulations, Dad,” he says, dimples and teeth flashing. Jensen laughs, thrilled and relieved and a thousand other things, and hugs Jared back for all his worth, clutching the paper that declares him the adoptive father of one Ashley Jo Ackles-Padalecki.

“Thank you,” he whispers and presses a kiss onto Jared’s chin. The adoption had been Jared’s idea, and Jensen had been amazed yet again by the generous nature of his fiancé.

Jared shakes his head, once. “No, thank you.” He cups Jensen’s face and kisses him, slow and sweet and filled with so much affection and joy that Jensen kind of just melts against him.

When they pull apart, all of Jensen’s earlier tiredness is gone. He’s wide awake now, and judging by the look on Jared’s face, so is he.

“Ash asleep?”

“Yep, out like a light. The dogs too,” Jared answers and a flash of wickedness enters his eyes. “Why? Whatcha wanna do?”

“Celebrate,” he says with a grin, settling his hands on Jared’s ass, mind already filling with images of blowing Jared and then fucking him into next week.

They set the security alarm and turn off the light before heading upstairs. Jared nearly trips because of his inability to keep his hands off Jensen, and Jensen laughs against his mouth but is quickly shut up by Jared grinding their hardening cocks together.

It’s later, when they’re both sated and sticky on the king-size bed, Jared curled against him fast asleep, head pillowed on Jensen’s shoulder, that Jensen decides not to tell Jared that the liver transplant position won’t be his.

Because it doesn’t matter.

Last year, he would have fought tooth and nail for it, done whatever he had to do to get it, but things are different now.

Now, he has Ashley and Jared, both worth so much more than any job or position.

Now, he has a family.

 

~fin~

 

[Art Post](http://tigs-playground.livejournal.com/430.html#cutid1)   
[Masterpost](http://silverraven.livejournal.com/102850.html)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first year participating in spn_j2_bigbang and the longest fic that I’ve written by far. I didn’t intend to write kid!fic and thought I never would... then this happened, HA.
> 
> A million thanks to:
> 
> tiggeratl1 for creating such wonderful art. I was so excited when she picked my story and a bit nervous too, not knowing how this collaboration was supposed to work, but she put me right at ease and it was a pleasure working with her. Please don't forget to check out her post and let her know what an awesome job she did :)
> 
> My beta, lavishsqualor, for all her suggestions and support, reading this multiple times, and for still speaking to me after fixing my numerous typos and mistakes. She emailed me back within a day of sending this to her and has been my rock and savior since. Any remaining errors are my own.
> 
> wickedtruth for being the best cheerleader ever. Every time I was moments away from throwing my computer out the window, deleting the whole thing, or just plain giving up, she was there with endless support and encouragement. This would still be sitting half done in my hard drive if it wasn’t for her.
> 
> wendy and thehighwaywoman for running this kickass challenge.
> 
> And to my flist for putting up with me and all the support and encouragement they have given me the past six months. You guys rock.


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